You should have some life insurance before climbing aboard this thing. Those antlers are as sharp as spikes, and they could easily pierce your skin. And seeing as what I like to call “common sense” warning labels are now placed on everything, I can already imagine this one. “Warning! Do not jump on trampoline while whitetail deer are underneath. Antlers may cause injury or death.”
I’m shoveling snow off the roof of my house the other day, and I’m adjusting the ladder when suddenly I get that “you should probably look up” feeling that you get just before something bad is about to happen. As I look up into the sky, I see my shovel tumbling from the rooftop fifteen feet above…” Apparently, balancing the shovel on the edge of the gutter wasn’t as stable as I had thought. Go figure… large object + slanted roof + gravity = potential concussion.
Because of the cat-like reflexes that I have honed over my 28 years, I was able to move my head slightly to the right while simultaneously screeching “Holy crap!” A lesser man would have only been able to accomplish one of those tasks. In my younger days, I’d be able to estimate the amount of force that the shovel had as it impacted my left shoulder, but I have taken that part of my brain which used to store physics equations and filled it with more important things… like where to find rare movie posters. I can tell you that it hit me with enough force to knock me to one knee. However, like any adult male, I quickly jumped back to my feet and brushed off my shoulder, in case anyone happened to be watching me.
Of course, when I tell the story about the bruised shoulder to anyone else, it’s going to involve saving a baby from a runaway Dodge Neon, or maybe getting an old lady’s purse back from a band of rogue pirates. People always love stories about pirates…
A ‘heads up’ for those men who may be regular Home Depot customers. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic.
Don’t be naive enough to think it couldn’t happen to you or your friends.
Here’s how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say ‘No’ and instead ask you for a ride to another Home Depot. You agree and they get in the backseat.
On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen on December 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, & 24th. And three times just yesterday, and very likely again this upcoming weekend.
So warn your friends to be careful.