1.) Cover your stump before you hump
2.) Don’t be silly, protect your Willie
3.) Don’t be a loner, cover your boner
4.) If your not going to sack it, go home and whack it
5.) If you think she’s spunky, cover your monkey
6.) The right selection, is to protect your erection
7.) Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener
8.) No glove, no love
9.) Cloak the joker before you poke her
10.) Don’t surprise her plug your Geyser
11.) Don’t be a fool cover your tool
12.) Restrain your log then plow her bog
13.) Cover old pete then grind her meat
14.) Cover your vein then drive her insane
15.) Wrap that pickle then slip her a tickle
16.) Shroud your trout then make her shout
17.) Dress that erection to make a deflection
18.) Stop the stream before you cream
19.) Sock that wanger before you bang her
20.) Sash that hash then thrash that gash
21.) Cover your stone before you bone
22.) House your hose then curl her toes
23.) Shield your rocks then pond her box
24.) Blanket old juicy then plug old loosey
25.) Do a good deed, don’t spill your seed.

The needle is 21 gauge, 1.5in. A hogsticker. Forty of them arrived in a package from Greece. Ever received a package from overseas? You get that puff of air when you rip it open - air that’s traveled thousands of miles. Foreign, like stepping into a stranger’s house. The syringe wrapper has instructions in Italian, French, Greek and Arabic - not a word of English. But it’s a needle. Operation is self-explanatory. I had put them out on my work desk a few days ago - an unignorable fact. An invitation. A threat.

Buck up, laddie. Fortune favours the brave.

What’s inside looks like oily urine. 1cc of Equipoise - a veterinary drug normally injected into beef cattle - and 2cc of Testosterone Cypionate: 10 times the testosterone a man my size produces naturally in a week.

It was going into my backside; plenty of meat there. But the sciatic nerve radiates from my hips; plus, if I hit a vein I could go into cardiac collapse. I tucked a bag of frozen corn beneath my underwear to numb the injection site. The hash marks on the syringe were smudged away by my sweaty hands. That couldn’t be a sign of quality medical equipment, could it?

What if I died in this shitty apartment in Iowa City? I pictured the landlord stumbling upon my body, rotten and bloated. The newspaper headline: Dumbshit Canadian Found Dead with Needle in Ass.

Since I had nothing better to do, I figured I would make a few de-motivational posters at despair.com. If you’ve never made any demotivators, you should try it out. It’s great fun, and before you know a couple of hours have passed. Feel free to link to your favorite demotivators in your comments. Or, create your own and put a link up to them.

Fact or Fiction?

The model ape used in the 1933 movie ‘ King Kong ‘ was 18 inches tall.

Dorris Day began her career as a dancer, and only began singing when she broke her leg.

The statue ‘ The thinker ‘ by Rodin is actually a portrait of the Italian poet Dante.

Lord Byron had a club foot.

There are over 30 000 verses in the Bible.

The Eskimo language has over twenty words to describe different kinds of snow.

William Shakespeare married Anne Hathaway on 27 November 1582, he was 18 at the time.
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