17 Rumors Overheard From That Kid In Third Period

Rumors

  1. If you combine turkey, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce and one green vegetable, you get the chemicals which make LSD, which is why Thanksgiving always gets so freaky and everyone gets into fights.
  2. If you hiccup and fart at the same time, your stomach will turn inside out.
  3. AIDS came from people French-kissing their dogs.
  4. The secret ingredient in Taco Bell 7-Layer Burritos is horse blood.
  5. Simon Cowell is actually from Oklahoma, and he invented Lasik surgery.
  6. If you fold a dollar bill a certain way, you can see Betsy Ross naked.
  7. Daddy Longlegs legs taste like spearmint.
  8. The inventor of Elmers Glue was born with horns, and that’s his picture on the bottle.
  9. Everyone who has ever beat Ninja Gaiden Black has died the next day.
  10. ABBA stands for “All-father Baal Beats Angels.
  11. Yu-Gi-Oh! was supposed to have a new season but the FBI stepped in and shut it down under the Patriot Act, and no one knows why.
  12. The phrase Every Good Boy Deserves Fudge is propaganda created and promoted by the American Fudge Council.
  13. Girls don’t wear underwear in Canada.
  14. The film rating XXX is pronounced “kccchhggh”.
  15. If you have ever touched a baked potato without gloves, the government has your fingerprints on file.
  16. There is cocaine at the center of Polly-O String Cheese.
  17. If you play Paper Mario for exactly fifty-five hours, fifty-five minutes, and fifty-five seconds, you’ll get a cheat code that lets you play as Lara Croft…naked.

 

What Is The Secret of Women?

Anonymous Sports Betting

This question was asked:

What is the secret of women? I asked someone in my taxicab if he knew, and he said he was gay and had no idea. “Don’t even ask me about women,” he said. “That’s why I’m gay.” I’ve asked other people, too. One guy sort of smirked and said he has no problem with women at all. Yet he couldn’t (or wouldn’t) say any more. The thing is, human beings have been around more than half a million years, and I’m just wondering if comedies, such as “There’s Something About Mary,” are the best we can do? At the other extreme we have Shakespeare’s love sonnets. Yet seeing such movies, or reading those poems, don’t really help a person in day-to-day life, when we actually meet women. It’s as if they have some kind of radar attuned to something, yet you just can’t tell what it is. Maybe the San Francisco Bay area simply isn’t such a good place to hit it off with women. You’d think it would be a lot easier. And please, don’t start thinking there’s something wrong with me, because there isn’t. I’ve had girlfriends I’ve been crazy about, and who have been crazy about me, yet even then, I could not tell you in words, why.

And here is the AWESOME answer:

Thanks for such a well-written and interesting question. This may well have been the “original question” if Adam and Eve once existed. Obviously this has been debated throughout history and if a definitive answer had been found, we would have been taught it in high school. I shall now provide you with a variety of answers to this age-old enigma…

Savvy Male has a very good, concise summary of women, with such nuggets as:
– They have the ultimate biological multitasking operating system known to man
– Compliment a woman about her dress/hair/perfume in the first 5 minutes of a date.
– Women don’t need to be fixed. They were born with all working parts, and all put together. Just listen.
http://www.savvymale.com/misc.html

The secret is to make women happy:
http://www.scorelarge.com/humor/happywomen.html

Women like confident men (this is a cosmic secret!):
http://www.sosuave.com/articles/want.htm

Women like to be cherished, respected, loved, and most of all, showered with attention:
http://www.sosuave.com/articles/stop.htm

According to a survey, women’s favorite romantic moment is “cuddling on the sofa and watching a movie together”:
http://www.romanceopedia.com/R-SofaMovie.html

Women are available in many varieties:

Russian women “…are much more patient and can tolerate things that Western women will never be able to bear.
http://www.womenrussia.com/faq.htm

French women are “sophisticated, beautiful, sexy, voluptuous… and yet so gullible”:
http://www.askmen.com/love/player/paris4.html

Australian women like to play rugby:
http://www.womensrugby.com.au/

There are more physical differences between men and women than just the obvious attributes:

Men and women “use different sides of their brains to process and store long-term memories of emotional experiences”:
http://www.ucihealth.com/News/Releases/emotionalMemoriesStored.htm

Women can multi-task because they use both sides of the brain:
http://web.csuchico.edu/~se47/phsycology.htm

Although they have smaller brains, women’s have “more nerve cells in their frontal lobes”:
http://faculty.washington.edu/chudler/wome.html

Elaine Morgan has explained how evolution has shaped women in her book “The Descent of Women”:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0285627007/102-3918949-7328166

One thing to keep in mind is that women get more pleasure from sex than men do, according to Tiresias who spent seven years as a woman in a Greek myth. Divulging this information cost him his eyesight.
http://www.nomos-arkhaios.org/kerux7.htm

They speak a different language:

Women of the Yao ethnic group in Hunan province, China, have their own language:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/world/asia-pacific/newsid_1937000/1937023.stm

Even when they use English, some deciphering is required:
http://www.geocities.com/CollegePark/Union/1669/Secret.html

The secret of women’s language: Keywords and their meanings – FINE: This is a word a woman uses at the end of any argument that she feels she is in the right about but needs to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.
http://www.expage.com/teenagehood

An understanding of body language will enable you to know when a woman wants you to approach her and when she wants you to go away:
http://www.askmen.com/love/player/35_love_games.html

And of course there are books available on the topic:

You may have heard that “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/006016848X/ref=pd_ser_asin_1/102-3918949-7328166
and it has also been said that “…Men Don’t Listen : And Women Can’t
Read Maps”:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0767907639/qid=1022566769/sr=1-15/ref=sr_1_15/102-3918949-7328166

“Women are like golf courses…Even though you may have played a course a hundred times, chances are your approach shot rarely lands in the same place on the green.” according to the book “How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure: Totally Explicit Techniques Every Woman Wants Her Man to Know”
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0767904524/qid=1022566517/sr=2-2/ref=sr_2_2/102-3918949-7328166

How To Pick Up Beautiful Women In Nightclubs or Any Other Place: Secrets Every Man Should Know:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0964160307/qid=1022566853/sr=1-27/ref=sr_1_27/102-3918949-7328166

More advice:

Mojo10 – the men’s guide to women:
http://www.mojo10.com/default.asp

Getting the first date you want:
http://www.sharpman.com/issue02/index2.html?articles/living/dating/toptips/toptips.html&1

Consultagirl has advice for men, written by women:
http://www.consultagirl.com/FAQ.html

How to find the right person:
http://www.loveadvice.com/CAT2.HTM

Doctor Casanova’s Seduction Clinic:
http://www.casanova.org/welcome.htm

You can learn how to Seduce Women Now! for only $97:
http://www.casanovasecrets.com/

Where to meet women:
http://www.mojo10.com/viewContent.asp?contentID=652

Places in San Francisco to take her:
http://www.mojo10.com/viewContent.asp?contentID=784

In your area you could try The Meeting Game Salon, and 10-Minute Dating:
http://www.meetinggame.com/index.html

Finally:

Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women? He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
http://www.joke-around.com/joke/gender/1404

Secret of Women

Bet Live

Diary Of A Roman Schoolboy

2,500 – 1,500 years ago
Around 500 BC to 500AD

Rome
Octavian, 15
Patrician Schoolboy
Self Portrait

It’s well before daybreak when Mother wakes me for school. I’m still so tired! But I must rise, Mother tells me that my education is the most important thing in my life. I stretch and rise from my pallet, and head for the bath.

Julia, our servant, has laid a fresh tunic on the low stone bench for me, crisp white linen with a deep crimson border. *sigh* I look forward to becoming a citizen – next year! – so I may do away with childish things and wear the pure white tunic of a citizen. She has drawn a hot bath for me, and has left fresh towels for me as well.

Julia says that in other homes, there is only cold running water or none at all, and that years ago, there was no running water! Even worse, there weren’t any toilet facilities – not even the public latrines we have in Rome today. Ugh. Dreadful. I’m glad to live in such modern, civilized times. I don’t think I could bear living without running water or a decent toilet.

I bathe quickly, wishing I could stay and soak, knowing my time is limited. If I am late, the headmaster will be furious, and he’s not a man to be trifled with. I dry myself and dress, and quickly scrub my teeth before dashing across the courtyard to the dining room. The servants have already laid a good breakfast out – bread, wine, cheese and olives. Mother sits at the table, father has already left for the Senate for the day. We eat together and Mother asks after my studies. She is very strict with me, reminding me that it is important to be well educated, that I may become a Senator like Father. Though I think Father’s job is interesting enough, She hands me a few candles, my wax tablet and scrolls, and shoos me outside, encouraging me to hurry so I am not late.

I scurry through the dark street, and find that my friend and schoolmate, Marcus, is just ahead of me. I call to him to wait, and we walk the remaining distance to school together. He has been to the bakery, and is wolfing down a pancake as we walk. He rose late again, his mother isn’t nearly as strict as mine.

When we arrive at school, we stop to light our candles at one of the oil lamps burning near the entrance. It’s important to remember to bring candles each day, lest we haven’t light enough to read by before the sun rises. The headmaster is already there, and he greets us with a curt nod and a gesture to sit.

We spend the day studying intensely. The Twelve Tables of Law, the duties of a Roman citizen, philosophy, arithmetic, grammar, oration. By midday, I’m famished and my brain hurts. The headmaster pushes us very hard, and it requires all of my energy to concentrate. I’m relieved to have a break to go home for lunch!

Julia has prepared lunch for me – Mother is at the Forum, most likely shopping or visiting with friends. I have a piece of cold fish, some bread and cheese, and then I go back outside to look for Marcus.
Marcus and I throw a ball around for a little while, each of us trying to throw harder than the other. It feels good to be out in the sun and fresh air! Our break time is soon over, though, and we rush back to school to finish our lessons for the day.

When I return home, I find that my sister is in the courtyard with Mother. They are sewing silk flowers, and Mother looks very pleased with my sister’s progress. Father is inside, having returned from the Senate, and is preparing to attend a dinner party in the home of another Senator this evening. He claps me on the shoulder and asks after my studies, particularly after my lessons in oration. I explain what the headmaster has taught us, and he tells me I will make a fine Senator some day. I hope this is so, I want very much to follow in Father’s footsteps.

Father leaves for the dinner party, and I join Mother and my sister in the dining room. Julia and our other servants have prepared a delicious meal for us – roasted pigeon, figs, dates, cheese, grapes, bread and wine. We linger over dinner, enjoying each others’ company and the chance to relax. Mother informs us that we are to see the physician tomorrow, to ensure that we are healthy. People don’t seem to fall ill very often, but when they do, our physicians are usually able to cure them. We are very fortunate to have such skilled healers here. We sit in the courtyard for a little while after dinner, to look at the stars and enjoy the night breezes, then I retire to my sleeping quarters, for it will soon be time to rise again and spend another day at school.