229 Of The Worlds Best Pickup Lines

Anonymous Sports Betting

Best Pickup Lines1)

Is that a ladder in your tights or a stairway to heaven?

2)
Hi, Im a sexbomb-please defuse me!

3)
I am no Fred Flintstone but I can still make your bedrock!

4)
You like my name? You should hear my phone number!

5)
Excuse me, I’m a little short on cash, would you mind if we shared a cab home

6)
Can I borrow your library card? coz I wanna check you out!!

7)
Your like a traffic ticket! you’ve got F-I-N-E written all over you!!

8)
Hey, my shoes are having a party, would your dress like to come down and join them?

9)
Bring your crash helmet luv, you’re going through the head board tonight

10)
Can I have a picture of you? Only I want Santa to know exactly what to get me for Christmas

11)
You with those curves, and me with no brakes …

12)
So, do you live round here or are you local?

13)
Your so hot I could roast my meat on you, baby.

14)
Are you a lumberjack? Because you just gave me wood!

15)
Baby, you’re like a championship bass. I don’t know whether to mount you or eat you!

16)
If I were a carpenter and you were a porch. I’d take out all your nails and screw you!

17)
A you a farmer? No, ‘cuz you sure know how to raise a cock.

18)
I’ve got an 8″ tongue and I can breath out of my ears!

19)
I’m the doctor of love baby and you’re over due for your meat injection!

20)
Do you wanna come back to my house for sex and pizza? No? You don’t like pizza?

21)
Are you a Pokemon?? Cuz i’d sure like to pikachu!

22)
My magical watch says you aren’t wearing any panties. Oh, you are? It must be an hour fast!

23)
The only thing I want between our relationship is latex.

24)
Your legs are like peanut butter, smooth, creamy, and easy to spread.

25)
I love every bone in your body, especially mine!

26)
If you’re naughty go to your room. If you wanna be naughty go to my room!

27)
You’re ugly but you intrigue me.

28)
My hands are cold. Can I stick them down your pants to warm them?

29)
My bed is broken. Can I sleep in yours?

30)
Nice shoes…..wanna screw?

31)
If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d have 5 cents.

32)
Excuse me, I seem to have lost my virginity, can I have yours?

33)
Nice pants. Can I test the zipper?

34)
Excuse me, but does my tongue taste funny to you?

35)
I may not be the best looking guy here, but I’m the only one talking to you.

36)
That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you I’d be coming, too.

37)
I’d like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.

38)
If you were a new hamburger at McDonald’s, you would be McGorgeous.

39)
I’m a bird watcher and I’m looking for a Big-Breasted Bed Thrasher, have you seen one?

40)
Wanna play house? You be the screen door and I’ll bang you all night long.

41)
Oh, I’m sorry, I thought that was a Braille nametag.

42)
Hi, I’m a necrophiliac, how good are you at playing dead?

43)
Hi my name is _______. Remember it, cause you’ll be screaming it all night long.

44)
The fact that I’m missing my teeth just means that there’s more room for your tongue.

45)
I’m easy. Are you?

46)
Are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only ten I see!

47)
Pardon me miss, I seem to have lost my phone number, could I borrow yours?

48)
If you were a booger I’d pick you first.

49)
Hi… would you fuck me? I’d fuck me, I’d fuck me real hard!

50)
Want to taste my dick? (What!?!) I said, “do you want to taste my drink?”

51)
They call me “Coffee”. I grind so fine.

52)
Can I stir your drink? Mind if I use my dick?

53)
Hi, my name is Doug. That’s “god” spelled backwards with a little bit of you wrapped up in it.

54)
Hi. I’m an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore Uranus.

55)
Guy: I bet you’re a C-cup. Girl: How’d you know that? Guy: My testicles are the same size.

56)
Tickle your pussy with a feather? (What?) I said, “Particularily nice weather.”

57)
Did you just sit in a water puddle, or are you just happy to see me?

58)
Baby, you’re so sweet, you put Cadbury’s outta business.

59)
Is it hot in here or is it just you?

60)
Let’s take a shower together — you smell.

61)
You look like my third wife. She: Oh, how many time have you been married? Twice.

63)
Gee, for a fat girl you sure dont sweat much.

64)
(leaning over to whisper) I think about you when I masturbate.

65)
Are we related? Do you want to be?

66)
Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.

67)
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put you between F and CK

68)
Pardon me miss, but I could not help noticing that you have cum in your hair.

69)
Why you’ve got the whitest teeth I’d ever want to cum across!

70)
You are just truly absolutely beautiful! Can you cook and clean also?

71)
You are so fine that I’d eat your shit just to see where it came from.

72)
You have got nice breasts, but what color are your nipples? Brown or Pink?

73)
You remind me of my dead ex-girlfriend.

74)
Hey baby… you got any diseases? Want some?

75)
Can I impregnate you with my Demon spawn?

76)
What color is your shit?

77)
Do you sleep on your stomach? [any answer] Can I?

78)
Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated orgasm?

79)
Excuse me, have I fucked you yet?

80)
Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? (Pull your pockets inside out….) Would you like to?

81)
Hey Baby! I’d like to use your thighs as earmuffs.

82)
Hey Baby! I’d like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag!

83)
Hey baby, wanna go halves on a bastard?

84)
Hey baby, what do you say we go behind that rock and get a little boulder?!?

85)
Hi, wanna fuck? (No!) Mind lying down while I do?

86)
I must expel some seminal fluid. May I use your body?

87)
I’d love to swap bodily fluids with you.

88)
Let’s go to my place and do the things I’ll tell everyone we did anyway.

89)
The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to fuck you on the floor.

90)
The word of the day is “legs.” Let’s go back to my place and spread the word.

91)
Let’s go get liquored up and rape each other.

92)
I’d like to get between your legs and eat my way straight to your heart…

93)
If I told you I had a 2 inch dick would you fuck me? (if she says no) say Good, because mine is 8 inches.

94)
Nuthin could be finer than the taste of your vagina!

95)
Hello. I have sex on the first date. Do you?

96)
First, I’d like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then, I’ll move up to your belly button.

97)
I would fuck you so hard, you’d learn from it.

98)
Do you like my belt buckle? (any response is okay ) It would look better against your forehead!

99)
Would you fuck a complete stranger? (No) Then Hi, my name is…

100)
If I washed my dick, would you suck it? (No.) Oh, so you like to suck dirty dicks.

101)
Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under…

102)
You know, you really piss me off. You are the most disgusting bitch I have ever seen. Absolutely disgraceful. Wanna suck my hairy balls?

103)
(Use index finger to call someone over then say) I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand.

104)
Brrr! My hands are cold. Can I warm them in your heaving breasts?

105)
Cold out isn’t it? (staring at breasts)

106)
Have you ever played leap frog naked ?

107)
Hi. Are you legal?

108)
Hi. You’ll do.

109)
I think I could fall madly in bed with you.

110)
I wanna floss with your pubic hair.

111)
I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

112)
I’d like to name a multiple orgasm after you.

113)
I’ve got a condom with your name on it.

114)
If your right leg was Christmas and your left leg was Easter, would you let me spend some time up between the holidays?

115)
Is that a tic-tac in your shirt pocket or are you just glad to see me?

116)
Pardon me, but are you a screamer or a moaner?

117)
There are 265 bones in the human body. How’d ya like one more?

118)
Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh.

119)
Hi. Can I domesticate you?

120)
I’m a freelance gynocologist. How long has it been since your last checkup?

121)
Has my face been formally introduced to your cunt?

122)
Hey baby, how would you like to see the soles of your feet in my car wing mirrors?

123)
If I told you that you have a nice body, would you hold it against me?

124)
You smell wet! Let’s party!

125)
Would you like gin and platonic, or do you prefer scotch and sofa?

126)
Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

127)
Sit on my lap and we can get things straight between us!

128)
Why don’t you come over here, and we can talk about the first thing that pops up!

129)
Say, didn’t we go to different schools together?

130)
Do you want to fuck or should I apologise?

131)
What do you like for beakfast?

132)
Would you like to see something swell?

133)
That dress would look awfully nice on the floor, next to my bed!

134)
You look the spitting image of a hooker I know!

135)
Miss, if you have already lost your virginity, can I have the package it came in?

136)
Hey baby, you look like you could suck the chrome of a car bumper!

137)
I have had quite a bit to drink and you are beginning to look pretty good!

138)
Your face or mine?

139)
Nice dress, could I talk you out of it?

140)
You have the arse of a great artist!

141)
Didn’t anyone tell you that you wanted to sleep with me? I thought you knew!

142)
“Of all the parties I have been to, this is the most recent!”

143)
“I was just about to leave, but as your here…..”

144)
“Do you live here often?”

145)
“Hello, is it me your looking for?”

145)
Hi, I make more money than you can spend.

146)
Excuse me, but you have a beep on your nose. What? (Reach up and gently squeeze her nose) BEEP!

147)
Hey baby… drop that zero and get with the hero in other words… you better come with me.

148)
My love for you is like diarrhea. I can’t hold it in.

149)
It’s not my fault I fell in love. You are the one that tripped me.

150)
I feel like Richard Gere, I’m standing next to you, the Pretty Woman.

151)
I hope you know CPR, cuz you take my breath away!

152)
What’s that on your face? Oh, must just be beauty.

153)
Wow! Are those real?

154)
You make me melt like hot fudge on a sundae.

155)
I know a great way to burn off the calories in that pastry you just ate.

156)
Your name is Laura, huh? Can I call you Laura? Really, what time?

157)
You’re like a Pringle. Once I pop ya, I can’t stop ya.

158)
Are you busy tonight at 3:00 A.M.?

159)
Did it hurt? Woman: Did what hurt? When you fell out of heaven?

160)
Excuse me, but I think I dropped something!!! MY JAW!!

161)
Come back to my place so I can give you a lovely parting gift.

162)
The next item up for bid is in my pants.

163)
How’d you like a years supply of Turtle Wax.

164)
Don’t worry–I’ve been neutered.

165)
Would you like to dance? [she says “no”] No, you must have misunderstood me, I SAID, you look fat in those pants!

166)
What do you say we go back to my place and play army? I’ll lay down and you can blow the heck out of me!

167)
Want to play lion? (She asks, “What’s that?”) That’s where you get down on all fours and growl like a lion while I feed you the meat!

168)
Walk up to a girl who is standing and say, “You look tired, let me clear you off a place to sit” then wipe your face.

169)
So, Is it safe to say I’m gonna score?

170)
Happy hour’s over but it’s still going strong at my place.

171)
I like your butt, can I wear it as a hat?

172)
I’d like to name a multiple orgasm after you.

173)
If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole?

174)
Sit on my face and let me get to ‘nose’ you better?

175)
Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.

176)
Hey..somebody farted. Let’s get out of here.

177)
My face is leaving in 10 minutes. Be on it.

178)
Can I see your tan lines?

179)
I know this is going to sound like a line, but did that sound like a line?

180)
Are you religious? Good, because I’m the answer to your prayers.

181)
As she’s leaving….Hey aren’t you forgetting something?

She: What?
Me!

182)
Excuse me, do you think you might possibly have a mutual friend who could introduce us.

183)
Hi, are you here to meet a nice man or will I do?

184)
Hi, I’ve been undressing you with my eyes all night long, and think it’s time to see if I’m right.

185)
I don’t know what you think of me, but I hope it’s X-rated.

186)
I was just curious? Are you as good as all the guys say you are?

187)
I’m sorry, were you talking to me?
Her: No.
Well then, please start.

188)
I’m the kind of man who deserves to have women I don’t deserve.

189)
Sorry to bother you, but I had to find out what kind of woman would go out dressed like that.

190)
Take a screw with you and put it in your pocket. Then, when a girl comes up to you, offer her the screw and say, “Wanna screw?”

191)
Wait until the end of the evening when everything is real hazy and alcohol soaked, walk up to someone you’ve never met and say, “Come on, we’re leaving.” (The key is to act like you know them.)

192)
Were you just smiling at me from across the room, or do I have my contacts in wrong?

193)
What has 148 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My Zipper.

194)
What’s a nice girl like you doing talking to a loser like me?

195)
Baby you’re a sex crime waiting to happen.

196)
Hey so you want to see some magic? You and I will go to your place have sex and I’ll disappear in the morning.

197)
So, I see you eat with utensils.
Well, I’ve got one that I’m just dying to put in your drawers.

198)
You look a little feverish. Luckily I always have an oral thermometer on me.

199)
Excuse me, your fly is down. Oops, maybe not now but definately later.

200)
Wow! Are you really as beautiful as you seem or do you remind me of myself?

201)
Hey, wanna see my R2D2 impersonation? (Think about it…)

202)
I’m so lonely I’d do anyone. Buy you a drink?.

203)
Know what I like best about you baby? You haven’t maced me yet.

204)
Oooh, you’re lookin’ fine. Not in the good way, in the “you’ll do” way.

205)
Hey, can I try on your dentures.

206)
I’m either going home with you or behind you, take your pick.

207)
I really want to know more about you… starting with why you have that stupid look on your face.

208)
Hey baby, wanna sleep with your father.

209)
If we’re quiet, my roommate’ll never know we’re bumping uglies.

210)
I’ll bet you a night of dinner and a movie that my finger smells worse than yours.

211)
Can I put my beef in your taco?.

212)
You can fall off a building, you can fall out a tree, but baby, the best way to fall is in love with me!

213)
You’ve stolen my heart, but that’s ok cause I have 3 more at home in my freezer

214)
Thats a nice smile. It’d look better if it was all you were wearing!

215)
Help! I’m lost. Which way to your place?

216)
I know I’m not a grocery item but I can tell when your checking me out.

218)
I’ll give you a nickel if I can tickle your pickle….

219)
Either my eyes need checking or you’re the best looking guy I’ve seen all week.

220)
Is your dad a peanut maker? ‘Cause you’ve got nice nuts!

221)
If you’re naughty go to your room. If you wanna be naughty go to my room!

222)
Did you just grab my ass? No? Well you can if you want too!.

223)
You’re ugly but you intrigue me.

224)
Do you have a Band-Aid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you.

225)
Can I have a picture of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?.

226)
You’ve been a bad boy. Go to my room!

227)
My hands are cold. Can I stick them down your pants to warm them?

228)
My bed is broken. Can I sleep in yours?

229)
Hi, I’m a easy slut looking for a good time.

How to Know if your Life has Turned into a Horror Movie

We’ve all been in that situation, you’re watching a horror movie, and feel like hitting your head against the wall thanks to all the mentally challenged decisions the main characters take. In most cases, the act of shouting at the screen, calling the character’s a large array of bad names, is a great way to stop you from feeling scared. Using humour to point out how the character made a wrong decision definitely makes you feel a little less tense. It seems like most of the characters within these films lose all sense of logic, making rather irrational decisions in the hope of coming out in one piece at the end. It is always easier said than done, but if you’re ever greeted by some hockey mask wearing, demon possessed, deformed alien zombie, swinging a chainsaw around, will you run away screaming, or leave the lights off and go take a shower. Here are some things to keep in mind if you ever think your reality has turned into a horror movie.

The day has arrived, time for the big move. Once you arrive at the new house, and you realise that your trusty dog refuses to enter through the front door, or has become completely obsessed with barking at the strange looking shed outside, this is probably the first sign that something isn’t quite right. But hey, animals get confused when they are moved to a new home; you and your perfect cliché family should just shake it off. Once you start hearing strange noises, which seem to always take place at the exact same time every night, alarm bells should start ringing. If you are still stubborn enough to head down into the old and dusty cellar, alone, perhaps you should first pull yourself away from games like Candy Crush or Jack Gold ipad casino just long enough to take a quick look at your youngest child’s artwork, which is sure to be filled with dark, faceless figures. Remember, these high-tech aliens or demons usually lack the intelligence needed to use a door handle. Their social skills are usually a little rusty, they are shy, and therefore choose to communicate to the children, who are less judgemental and mean than you.

If you happen to be the stoner or loser-type character, good news for you, you’ll gallantly have the chance to fill the role of ‘knight in shining armour’, although chances are, you’ll still get killed later. Always remember, once you have finally killed the person or thing that is hunting you, guess what, it’s not really dead. The sooner you learn the concept of the double tap, the sooner you may actually survive… at least until the sequel.

By Jason

 horror movie

Butt Dust

Anonymous Sports Betting

What, you ask, is ‘Butt dust’? Read on and you’ll discover the joy in
it! These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative!!

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister.
After a while he asked: ‘Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and
one for cold milk?’

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she
was so old she didn’t remember any more. Melanie said, ‘If you don’t
remember you must look in the back of20your panties. Mine say five to
six.’

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. ‘I love you so
much that when you die I’m going to bury you outside my bedroom
window.’

BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in
vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom
explained it was a child-proof cap and she’d have to open it for her.
Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: ‘How does it know it’s
me?’

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. ‘Please
don’t give me this juice again,’ she said, ‘It makes my teeth cough.’

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: ‘How much do I
cost?’

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried When his Mom asked
what was troubling him, he replied, ‘I don’t know what’ll happen with
this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?’

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and
kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his
dad: ‘Why is he whispering in her mouth?’

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather
wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then
asked, ‘Why doesn’t your skin fit your face?’

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: ‘The man
named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but
his wife looked back and was turned to salt.’ Concerned, James asked:
‘What happened to the flea?’

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget .

This particular Sunday sermon…’Dear Lord,’ the minister began,
with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned
face. ‘Without you, we are but dust…’ He would have continued but at
that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to
me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl
voice, ‘Mom, what is butt dust?’

Butt Dust