A Slight Booger Problem

Booger ProblemDon’t you hate it when you are driving 80 mph and your nose kind of itches, so you pick at it, not PICK IT, but just kind pick at the edge of your nostril with your thumb without even thinking about what you are doing, and you get a little bit of old, dried booger, like just a LITTLE flake of booger, and you begin to remove the little, tiny, booger-flake but then you feel a sensation like the entire contents of your head are connected to this booger flake, and its too late to stop pulling the booger out, and a huge, I MEAN HUGE booger slides out of your nasal cavity and your eyes kind of sink back into your head from the pressure change, but then all the air that rushes in to fill the void left by the mega-booger pushes them back into their sockets, and then you have this banana-slug of a booger draped over your thumb and back of your hand and down your wrist, but you are driving fucking 80mph and you are wearing a suit and don’t have a tissue so you don’t know what to do with this sudden appearance of the King of All Boogers on your hand, so you roll down the window and hope that the wind will blow it off you, but the booger doesn’t cooperate and ends up embedded in the sleeve of your suit jacket?

Fuck. I hate that.

New York Tries To Ban The Word ‘bitch’

Is bitch a four-letter word? The New York City Council thinks so. It’s trying to officially albeit symbolically ban the use of the word. Councilwoman Darlene Mealy of Brooklyn introduced a measure on July 25 that would make the term verboten. The move follows the council’s ban earlier this year of the “n-word” (as the New York Times refers to it). Councilwoman Mealy calls the term deeply sexist and hateful. But some New Yorkers aren’t so sure.“Half my conversation would be gone,” Michael Musto, the Village Voice columnist who writes about celebrity gossip and the club scene, told the New York Times. “We toss it around with love.”

“I think it’s a description that is used insouciantly in the fashion industry,” Hamish Bowles, the European editor at large of Vogue, told the paper, while ordering sushi in the Condé Nast cafeteria. “It would only be used in the fashion world with a sense of high irony and camp.”

In recent years the words has become more common, not just in music with “adult” lyrics but in mainstream TV shows such as Sex and the City and in permutations such as “beotch”, used as an endearment as well as insult. Lindsay Lohan was recently pictured wearing a t-shirt reading “Skinny Bitch!”

“If you’re an 8-year-old it’s a great idea. If you’re a 28-year-old it’s silly,” says Tula Karras, a 39-year-old journalist who lives in Brooklyn and has used the term with her friends. While she recognizes the ban is about respect, “you really can’t police linguistics in that way.”

Even Councilwoman Mealy, who introduced the measure, acknowledged that its use is widespread. “Even council members are saying that they use it to their wives,” she said, giving a curious insight into the marital politics of New York’s ruling class. So far 19 of 51 council members have signed on to the ban. The Council’s Civil Rights Committee is expected to debate the measure next month.

Its inspiration – as with so many things these days – is hip-hop music, with ten rappers cited in the legislation. “Ho” is also banned in the same bill. (No word yet on whether “Hey, ho” is bandied across council members’ dinner tables as yet.)

It has launched a semantic conversation that extends beyond the Empire State, with bloggers and commentators questioning the constitutionality of banning words, as well as analysis of the words themselves: “First of all, ho isn’t a word, it’s slang,” according to the blog Wake Up America. It continues: “How did we go down a road where banning words is okay, what has happened to our constitution?” “More of the nanny state” said a forensic psychologist blogger in Tennessee.

Typical, it had to be some ugly bitch councilwoman that proposed this.

Someone should start suing all these fools that want to ban everything.

I think I just might sue that bitch for offending me by taking a word out of my vocabulary that I use to express when women can’t stop flapping their gums.

Where the hell is freedom of speech.

When did it disappear?


There. If you’re reading this in New York, you’re probably in trouble.

Work Obsessed

What is our obsession with work? I hear people who brag about working 50, 60, 70, even 80 hours a week. They brag not because they’re proud, they brag because they’re trying to one-up someone else who is talking about a difficult job. We tie our identities into what we do for a living. We say things like, “I’m a technician” or, “I’m an accountant” or, “I’m a salesperson”. Our definitions of who we are are what we do. When we meet a new person, we invariably ask, “So, what do you do for a living?” We are consumed by our jobs and our careers. We put up with behaviors from our co-workers and superiors that we would never tolerate from friends and use the excuse, “Well, they pay my salary,” to justify our subjugation, yet grumble every moment we have away from the workplace, engaging in the afore-mentioned “Oh, yeah, well where I work…” game with our friends and families. We view others who don’t work as much as us with a certain level of disdain and those who don’t work at all with a level of contempt on par with our contempt for thieves.

OverworkedWe carry our cell phones and on our time off are expected to take calls from work to discuss work. We receive emails from work on our time off and are expected to respond to those emails on our time off. We say, “Well, I’m a salaried employee so I guess they can expect this from me.” We martyr ourselves to our jobs in the hopes that someone will recognize us for our unflagging devotion to our work, yet that recognition never comes. Still, we continue to sacrifice in the hopes that one day….

Taking time off for illness or recuperation is viewed as a weakness. If we become ill ourselves, we fear losing our jobs so we continue to work even at the risk of infecting others or worsening our own condition. When a family member is seriously ill or dying, we feel guilty for leaving work behind to be with them and return to our jobs 2 days after losing a loved one and are expected to do our jobs as if nothing has happened. No one wants to see or feel your grief at the risk of making them uncomfortable.

We expect stores to be open on holidays so if we forget an item, we can make that quick trip to the store. We seem to forget that someone will have to give up that holiday so we can buy the cranberry sauce we forgot. Why did we forget the cranberry sauce? We were so consumed with work we forgot to get it on the way home from work. We have no empathy for the employee working at the store on these holidays yet would be furious if asked to give up the same holiday for our boss.

We suffer from stresses, anxieties, rages, depressions and myriad other illnesses and conditions. We figure the best way to deal with this is to immerse ourselves in our work, never wondering if our obsession with overworking ourselves might be the cause.

Why don’t we learn to relax a little?