Children’s Book Titles You Are Not Likely To See… Ever

Anonymous Sports Betting

1. Where You Really Came From… and Other Tales of Truth

2. Mommy? Why Do I Look Like the Mailman?

3. Frederick the Fly and the Attack of the Swatter

4. Mommy Drinks Because of Daddy’s 22-Year Old Secretary

5. The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Conducting a Goldfish Funeral

6. Barney and Friends Visit the Ghetto

7. Midlife Crisis or Why Daddy Traded in the Minivan for a Corvette

8. (sequel to #4) Daddy Has a Girlfriend Because Mommy Is Frigid

9. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Sexual Torture Devices (this installment happens after they graduate from Hogwarts)

10. The Monsters Will Go Away If You Clean Your Room

11. Never Open Mommy’s Nightstand Drawer and Other Rules Good Children Live By

12. Sesame Street or Bad Acid Trip? A Comprehensive Debate

(from the net, naturally)

Win A Scholarship By Creating Business Christmas Cards

For those of you currently in High School or College, there is an interesting contest that you might be interested in. It is a $10,000 Christmas Cards Scholarship Contest. The main focus is on Company Christmas cards. If you don’t work in an office setting, one day you will get more than your share of these Christmas Cards.

Corporate Christmas Cards

What a great way to pass a little time. Sit down and create a greeting card with a chance to win a nice scholarship! Legal residents of the United States (age 14 and over) are eligible to enter. Unless you live in Maine.

You don’t have to work primarily with Christmas Cards either. You can elect to create a card for any Holiday, or just a simple greeting card will do. If I was in school, I would be all over this. I have always wanted to try and create a few cards.

Idiots Guide To Marketing

Over the years, people have often asked me to explain the various concepts of Marketing Communications. The following analogies might help clarify the “tools of the trade.”

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, “I’m fantastic in bed.” — That’s Direct Marketing.

You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, “She’s fantastic in bed.” — That’s Advertising.

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, “Hi, I’m fantastic in bed.” — That’s Telemarketing.

You’re at a party and see a handsome guy. You get up and straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, “May I,” and reach up to straighten his tie brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, “By the way, I’m fantastic in bed.” — That’s Public Relations.

You’re at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, “I hear you’re fantastic in bed.” — That’s Brand Recognition.

You’re at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into going home with your friend. — That’s a Sales Rep.

Your friend can’t satisfy him so he calls you. — That’s Tech Support.

You’re on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you’re passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated toward the center and shout at the top of your lungs, “I’m fantastic in bed!” — That’s Spam.