That’s When The Fight Started

loving divorce

 

My girlfriend sat down on the sofa beside me while I was switching television channels . She asked , ‘What’s on Television ?’ I said , ‘Dust .’

That’s when the fight started…

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My girlfriend and I are watching “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” while we were in the bedroom . . I turned to her and said , “Do you want to have sex ?” “No ,” she responded . I then said , “Is that your final answer ?” She didn’t even take a look at me this time , simply stating , ”Yes .” So I said , “Then I’d like to phone a friend .”

That’s when the fight started… .

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Saturday morning Managed to get up early , quietly dressed , prepared my lunch , grabbed the dog , and then slipped quietly into the garage . I attached the boat up to the truck , and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour . The wind was howling about 50 mph , so I drove back into the garage , turned on the stereo , and discovered that the weather would probably be bad all day .

I journeyed back into the house , quietly undressed , then slipped back into bed . I cuddled up to my wife’s back , with a different anticipation , and whispered , “The weather conditions out there are unbearable .”

My loving wife of 10 yrs replied , “Can you believe my dim-witted husband is out fishing in that ?”

That’s when the fight started…

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I rear-ended a car this morning . So , there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car . You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny ? Yeah , well I couldn’t believe it… . He was a DWARF ! ! !

He stormed over to my car , looked up at me , and shouted , ”I AM NOT HAPPY ! ! !”

So , I looked down at him and said , “Well , then which one are you ?”

That’s when the fight started…

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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary . She said , ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds .’

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I bought her a scale .

That’s when the fight started…

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When I got home last night , my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive… so I took her to a gas station .

That’s when the fight started…

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After retiring , I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security . The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age . I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home . I told the woman that I was very sorry , but I would have to go home and come back later .

The woman said , ‘Unbutton your shirt’ . So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair . She said , ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application .

When I got home , I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office .

She said , ‘You should have dropped your pants . You might have gotten disability to.’

That’s when the fight started…

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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion , and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table .

My wife asked , ‘Do you know her ?’

‘Yes ,’ I sighed , ‘She’s my old girlfriend . I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago , and I hear she hasn’t been sober since .’

‘My God !’ says my wife , ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating that long ?’

That’s when the fight started…

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I took my wife to a restaurant . The waiter , for some reason , took my order first . “I’ll have the strip steak , medium rare , please .” He said , “Are you not worried about the mad cow?””

Nah , she can order for herself .”

That’s when the fight started…

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A woman is standing nude , looking in the bedroom mirror . She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband , ‘I feel horrible ; I look old , fat and ugly . I really need you to pay me a compliment .’

The husband replies , ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect .’

That’s when the fight started…


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