A farewell email from an Ernst & Young employee to his co-workers

This has to be one of the greatest corporate emails ever written. To have the nads to do this….I can only wish. No matter how much I would love to write an email like this, the thought of losing my job scares me. If I am definitely losing it though, the possibility of authoring something as great as this is quite fun to think about.

Dear Co-Workers,

As many of you probably know, tomorrow is my last day. But before I leave, I wanted to take this opportunity to let you know what a great and distinct pleasure it has been to type “Tomorrow is my last day.”

For nearly as long as I’ve worked here, I’ve hoped that I might one day leave this company. And now that this dream has become a reality, please know that I could not have reached this goal without your unending lack of support. Words cannot express my gratitude for the words of gratitude you did not express.

I would especially like to thank all of my managers: in an age where miscommunication is all too common, you consistently impressed and inspired me with the sheer magnitude of your misinformation. It takes a strong man to admit his mistake – takes a stronger man to attribute his mistake to me.

Over the year and a half, you have taught me more than I could ever ask for and, in most cases, ever did ask for. I have been fortunate enough to work with some absolutely interchangeable supervisors on a wide variety of seemingly identical projects invaluable lesson in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium.

Your demands were high and your patience short, but I take great solace knowing that my work was, as stated on my annual review, “mostly satisfactory.” That is the type of praise that sends a man home happy
after even a day, smiling his way through half a bottle of mostly satisfactory scotch.

And to most of my peers: even though we barely acknowledged each other within these office walls, I hope that in the future, should we pass on the street, you will regard me the same way as I regard you: sans eye contact.

But to those few souls with whom I’ve actually interacted, here are my personalized notes of farewell:

To Caulfield: I will always remember sharing lunch with you, despite having clearly labeled it with my name.

To Mairead: I will miss detecting your flatulence as much as you will clearly miss walking past my cubicle to deliver it.

To Linda: Best wishes on your ongoing campaign to popularize these “email forwards.” I sincerely hope you receive that weekend full of good luck, that hug from an old friend, and that baby for your dusty womb.

And finally, to Kat: you were right, I tested positive. We’ll talk later.

So, in parting, if I could pass on any word of advice to the individual who will soon be filling my position, it would be to cherish this experience like a sponge and soak it up like a good woman, because a job
opportunity like this comes along only once in a lifetime.

Meaning: if I had to work here again in this lifetime, I would sooner kill myself.

Very truly yours,
Cian Kelliher

PS: I will be throwing myself a happy hour farewell party at the Oden 5.30 tomorrow evening if anybody is interested in drinks!

Click this link for more great farewell emails.

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24 thoughts on “A farewell email from an Ernst & Young employee to his co-workers”

  1. man….

    now i wish i had found this sooner. I would’ve loved to have stopped by the odeon to shake this person’s hand.

    at least, i’m assuming that it’s the odeon in dublin, what with a name like Cian and all…

  2. The man is an absolute idiot and a waste of human skin. Ernst and Young lets him use their name and their company contacts to earn a living for two full years, and this is what he has really been wanting to say the whole time? He didnt take the time to make the changes he wants to experience. He is a weakling and a coward and obviously a fool. He obviously doesn’t know anything about business or the relationship side of things and if he really wanted to get to know his co workers better, if he really cared, he would have approached people and said hello himself.

    I cant believe I fucking have to go out into this world to spend time with idiots like this and from what I understand he is how most people are, ungrateful, rude, demeaning, priveleged, and spineless.

  3. I might call Ernst and Young and let them know this is online and that a past employee is slandering their name, something bad should happen to this person, just because something bad has to happen to someone, so why not him?

    1. Nicholas,

      Please go tell on him… behave like a 3-year old… don’t forget to say it out loud… say and point your accusing finger- ‘oooohh, i’m gonna tell on yoouuuu!.. ooohhh!!! you’re in trouble!!! I’m gonna telllllll!!!..

      Please do the world a favor Nicholas… don’t procreate!!

  4. Nicholas: It’s an email you jackass. He didn’t kill anyone. But I admire your loyalty to your employer.. Well done.. 😉

  5. These are exactly my heart feelings 🙂
    man awesome…really cool…being an EY employee I think I enjoyed it most 🙂

    and chill down Nicholas, its just a joke man

  6. hahahah cool!!!…..in India we do it in a simpler fashion. This is the resignation letter of n EY employee to his boss. (Its accredited as the shortest one ever) 😀
    Dear Boss
    Ma chuda, main chalaa (Fuck your mom, I am outta here)
    Your team member

  7. Nicholas I know the guy who did this and there is no need to tell E&Y about it, he got into sooooo much shit for it! Nearly lost the next job he was going to! Such a cool guy though! And Nicholas as an ex Dublin E&Yer I can proudly say that he hit the nail on the head, the place is a disgrace!

  8. @Nicolas :
    You are seriously in love with your company…
    but we know therz a saying : “we work for money. If the company wants loyalty, it should hire a dog”. I guess you are serving the purpose 😛 😛
    anyways, whateva the guy has told is what everyone has in our heart. Probably, you are too busy in licking your senior’s asses, to appreciate that.

  9. hi,

    What differentiates us from the rest of the mammals is the ability to EXPRESS and desired to be UNDERSTOOD.

    And my dear ‘upset’ friend, take it in good spirit and laugh it off. “Professionalism” is also defined as MUTUAL behavior, encompassing mutual understanding and mutual respect. And we are running out of THESE, AND that is EXACTLY what we can conclude.

    If we turn DEAF to the WRONGS.. we can’t amke things BETTER.

    Voila !

  10. Ernst & Young is the same all over the world and since those people from Arthur Andersen came into the firm is even worse. They tend to lose clients and revenues and that’s all they deserve. They are really a pain there and even worse. Everybody is an “expert” everybody has more than 12 years of experience in the field… The fact of the matter is that when really trying to get the work done they fail. And for Nicholas, go defend Osama and other terrorists along with those b… E&Y!!!

  11. I wrote a similar farewell email at Capgemini (recently renamed from CGE&Y at the time) along with a spoofed Technology newsletter and a video of me burning something… I hesitate to repost it though b/c I still work in the industry

  12. Two years too late but loved it though, at least he didn’t hold back, I suspect MANY more feel the same way he did, only they didn’t have the guts to pull something like this off. Wow and wow.

  13. I can totally understand your anger…..guess E&Y is the same world over,it treats its employees very bad.
    I went through the same experience in E&Y India. Seniors are great at miscommunicating….They have no employee surveillance policy…All my personal accounts were accessed using keylogger in company provided laptop and my personal information was made to spread all over the office…humiliated me….and this was done by people in the top management.
    As far as I know, E&Y India seniors take great pleasure in accessing new joinees information and then plying pranks with them and harassing them.

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