Things I Learned Over Labor Day Weekend

(Oh God, another list!)

• When preparing to do a lot of grilling, you should always make sure your propane tank has enough propane in it. Or buy a spare. Ol’ Murphy is always waiting, watching.
• When planning an event, only fix enough food for half the people that claim they are going to show up. You can always fix more later.
• If you have more than one child, and one gets sick, the other will inevitably get sick also. You will also get sick, as will your significant other. This will usually happen during a Holiday or some other time off from work when you really want to feel 100%.
• When draining your swimming pool for the winter, every person in your neighborhood will either call or stop by to inform you of your “water leak.”
• If those people do not live in your neighborhood and are simply passing through, they will stop and stare at the water crossing the road and wonder where it is coming from.
• The neighborhood kids will splash and frolic in the mud puddles your draining pool has created.
• Do not ride over 2 miles on a bicycle if it is your first time on one in 15 years or so. Your thighs and calves will scream at you as if they are being murdered…when the numbness goes away.
• After your first bicycle ride, don’t come in the house and watch your wife do Yoga on the Wii Fit (Yay! We finally found one) and tell her that it looks to easy. She will make you try it and laugh at you the whole time. The rest of your body will scream in unison with your thighs and calves.
• If you see a drunk man staggering around in the main road, it’s a good idea to call 911. Especially if he falls down. In traffic. Twice.
• Too much fruit gives me a tummy ache. And diarrhea.