Voluntarily Sterile

After careful consideration and a couple months of discussion with the wife, I have decided to get a vasectomy. It is scheduled for today.

I went for the consult about a month ago. I had to pee in a cup, and was put in a room to wait on the doctor. Upon arrival, he immediately told me to get undressed so he could check out the goods.

“My GOD, you have a tremendous penis!” is what I thought he would say, but he didn’t. He kind of snickered and walked out of the room. I think I overheard him laughing with a nurse…something about never seeing such a tiny thing. He must have been talking about someone else.

He has me lie on the table and begins to feel around my sack. Then he grabs my hand and directs my finger to feel my vans deferens. He holds my hand again while we feel the other side.

He begins to explain to me exactly what he is going to do, and how he is going to do it. He describes in detail what I should feel during and after the surgery.

Dr.: “It’s important for you to know that you won’t be sterile until 12 to 16 weeks after the operation.”

Me: “Why’s that?”

Dr.: “Because you’ll have live sperm in your system for that long. You need to ejaculate that sperm out before you’re sterile.”

Me: “Okay. Twelve to 16 weeks, huh?”

Dr.: “Yes.”

Me: “If I ejaculate a lot, will I be sterile sooner?”

Dr.: “Yes.”

Me: “I bet I can get it done in a week.”

Dr.: “Sigh.”

I opt for the Valium, and he gives me a prescription for three of them.

I can hardly wait…

10 thoughts on “Voluntarily Sterile”

  1. I’m surprised they’re doing it on a Wednesday. the Evil Twin wanted his mid-week (for an excuse to take more time off work), but the urologist here schedules them all for Fridays, so the dudes can have the weekend to rest up and not have to take so much time off work (!!). You will be sore. Save a spot on the couch and utillize the ice pack they send you home with. Couple of days of icing the sack and you’ll be good. We were back in the swing of things in about 2 days! Mwahahaha.

    Evil Twin’s Wifes last blog post..Purchasing

  2. So, going in for the snip, eh? I’m going to do it as well but I keep putting it off. Something about it just makes me lose my excitement about the whole procedure – oh that’s right – it’s the knife in my junk part. 12 to 16 weeks? Dude, I’d be good by the time I drove home! In all seriousness, I hope everything goes well – I’ll be there soon enough. (Crosses legs.) CHEERS!

    Canuckleheads last blog post..Insanity Wood

  3. Well at least you are having it done before your kids are old enough to know what is going on.

    Someone I know, and whose name I will not mention, told me that her dad waited until he was about 45 and she was about 16. And then after the procedure he sat around for a week bitching about how sore he was. Needless to say it is one of those memories she is trying her best to repress.

  4. ETW – The Urologist that I wanted only works in our local office two days a week. Today is one of those days.

    Canuck – The knife in the junk is a bit scary, but hey.. I got Valium! My appointment isn’t until 2:30 today, and the valium are already calling for me…

    Garrick – We decided to go ahead and get it done now. Two kids are enough. One to replace me, and one to replace the wife.

  5. Stephanie – Probably not as bad as mine are hurting right now. He gave me a pretty good supply of pain meds though, so it’s not all bad. 🙂

    CMG – I can pretty much find an excuse to masturbate no matter what I am doing… ;p

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