A Slight Booger Problem

Booger ProblemDon’t you hate it when you are driving 80 mph and your nose kind of itches, so you pick at it, not PICK IT, but just kind pick at the edge of your nostril with your thumb without even thinking about what you are doing, and you get a little bit of old, dried booger, like just a LITTLE flake of booger, and you begin to remove the little, tiny, booger-flake but then you feel a sensation like the entire contents of your head are connected to this booger flake, and its too late to stop pulling the booger out, and a huge, I MEAN HUGE booger slides out of your nasal cavity and your eyes kind of sink back into your head from the pressure change, but then all the air that rushes in to fill the void left by the mega-booger pushes them back into their sockets, and then you have this banana-slug of a booger draped over your thumb and back of your hand and down your wrist, but you are driving fucking 80mph and you are wearing a suit and don’t have a tissue so you don’t know what to do with this sudden appearance of the King of All Boogers on your hand, so you roll down the window and hope that the wind will blow it off you, but the booger doesn’t cooperate and ends up embedded in the sleeve of your suit jacket?

Fuck. I hate that.

Music Groups That Turn You Gay!

[begin sarcasm]

You may not realize it, but if you listen to any of the following groups, you are being turned gay!

* The Spores (endorse suicide)
* Scissor Sisters
* Turbonegro
* Rufus Wainwright
* Merzbau
* Ravi Shankar
* Wilco
* Bjork (mb)
* Tech N9ne
* Ghostface Killah
* Bobby Conn
* Morton Subotnik
* Cole Porter
* The String Cheese Incident
* Eagles of Death Metal
* Polyphonic Spree
* The Faint
* Interpol
* Twisted Sister (jj)
* Tegan and Sara
* Erasure
* The Grateful Dead (drugs too)
* Le Tigre
* Marilyn Manson (dark gay)
* The Gossip
* The Magnetic Fields
* The Doors
* Phish
* Queen
* The Strokes
* Morrissey(?questionable?)
* Metallica
* Judas Priest
* The Village People
* The Secret Handshake
* The Rolling Stones
* David Bowie
* Frankie Goes to Hollywood
* Man or Astroman
* Richard Cheese
* Jay-Z
* Depeche Mode
* Kansas
* Ani DiFranco
* Fischerspooner
* John Mayer
* George Michael (texan)
* Angel Eyes
* The Indigo Girls
* Velvet Underground
* Madonna
* Elton John
* Barry Manilow
* Indigo Girls
* Melissa Etheridge
* Eminmen
* Nirvana
* Boy George*
* The Killers
* Lou Reed
* Lil’ Wayne
* Motorhead
* Jill Sobule
* Wilson Phillips
* Wesley Willis
* Lisa Loeb
* Ted Nugent (loincloth)
* Dogstar
* Thirty Seconds to Mars
* Lil’ Kim
* kd lang
* Frank Sinatra
* Hinder
* Nickleback
* Justus Kohncke
* Bob Mould
* Clay Aiken
* Arcade Fire
* Bright Eyes
* Corinne Bailey Rae
* Audioslave
* Red Hot Chili Peppers
* Panic at the Disco
* The Cure (makeup)
* Spin Doctors
* The Deers
* Lindsey Lohan
* The Smiths
* Beck
* Tom Waits
* The Cramps
* Cannibal Corpse
* Britney Spears(kissed Madonna)
* Perfect Sin
* The Queers
* NoFx(gay punk)
* Soup Dragons
* Elton John(really gay)

I realize this is going to be hard to believe, but I read this on a wonderful site that is dedicated to stopping this terrible subversion & helping people avoid turning homosexual.

One of the most dangerous ways homosexuality invades family life is through popular music. Parents should keep careful watch over their children’s listening habits, especially in this Internet Age of MP3 piracy.

In Our effort to keep this list up to date we’d appreciate your help. If you know of a band that is Gay or propogating a Gay message please email us so we can update. Donnie is handling this his email is: *

The response is overwhelming. You guys know of a lot more Gay Bands than I do. I can’t keep up. Hopefully soon we’ll have it so you can add them by yourself.


[/end sarcasm]