See… There Was This Child In The Road

I’m shoveling snow off the roof of my house the other day, and I’m adjusting the ladder when suddenly I get that “you should probably look up” feeling that you get just before something bad is about to happen. As I look up into the sky, I see my shovel tumbling from the rooftop fifteen feet above…” Apparently, balancing the shovel on the edge of the gutter wasn’t as stable as I had thought. Go figure… large object + slanted roof + gravity = potential concussion.

Because of the cat-like reflexes that I have honed over my 28 years, I was able to move my head slightly to the right while simultaneously screeching “Holy crap!” A lesser man would have only been able to accomplish one of those tasks. In my younger days, I’d be able to estimate the amount of force that the shovel had as it impacted my left shoulder, but I have taken that part of my brain which used to store physics equations and filled it with more important things… like where to find rare movie posters. I can tell you that it hit me with enough force to knock me to one knee. However, like any adult male, I quickly jumped back to my feet and brushed off my shoulder, in case anyone happened to be watching me.

Of course, when I tell the story about the bruised shoulder to anyone else, it’s going to involve saving a baby from a runaway Dodge Neon, or maybe getting an old lady’s purse back from a band of rogue pirates. People always love stories about pirates…