1. At lunchtime sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “IN”.
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks write “for smuggling diamonds”.
7. Finish all your sentences with “in accordance with the prophecy”.
8. Don’t use any punctuation.
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat . . . with a serious face.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go”.
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day at work.
14. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme.
15. Five days in advance tell your friends you can’t attend their party because you’re not in the mood.
16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom.
17. When the money comes out the ATM scream “I won! I won!”
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling “Run for your lives, they’re loose!!”
19. Tell your children over dinner “Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.”
20. Set up “camp” in one of the tents on display at Wal-Mart.