As I sit here behind this laptop, I now realize that this definitely wasn’t the brightest idea I have ever had. I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it.
The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.
I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope.
The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it.
After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up — 3 of them. I picked out.. ..a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw.. ..my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me.
I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation.
I took a step towards it…took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope and then received an education.
The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope.
That deer EXPLODED.
The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity.
A deer– no chance.
That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined.
The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals.
A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature
off the end of that rope.
I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere.
At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual.
Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer’s momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in, so I didn’t want the deer to have it suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder – a little trap I had set before hand…kind of like a squeeze chute.
I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.
Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist.
Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head –almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.
The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective.
It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds.
I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now) tricked it.
While I kept it busy tearing the bejesus out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose. That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.
Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp.
I learned a long time ago that, when an animal — like a horse — strikes at you with their hooves and you can’t get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.
This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy.
I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run.
The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head.
Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.
Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.
I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.
So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope so that they can be somewhat equal to the prey.
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135 thoughts on “Corn Fed Venison – It Looked Good On Paper!”
Oh, I am sorry to the poor gent this happened to, but I laughed and laughed. Then I read it to my husband and laughed again! I truly hope you recovered well, but what a great story.
They are too smart for you, man. They travel in schools. Or maybe that’s fish. I don’t know.
This is hysterical! I would like permission to re-print this on my humor blog with a link back to your site. Thank you for your consideration of this request.
OMG i have laughed till I cried and cannot wait for my partner to wake up so I can read it to her! Thanks for sharing. 😆
you mean your husband
You don’t need my permission. It has been posted all over the internet for a few years now. Thanks for asking though. 🙂
Presumably the “stuff from the inbox” designation means that this is not something that happened to you personally. Hilarious story!
If based in fact, I hope the unfortunate person suffering the deer bite promptly sought medical attention. I understand deer carry a number of nasty diseases including a prion infection not unlike Mad Cow Disease.
You are correct in your presumption about the “stuff from the inbox” category. 🙂
And I thought the public bathroom was funny. I had to stop to recover several times. I am going to write a review on this and just put the link in with a short intro. People have got to read this.
That was classic, Bambi strikes back!
I laughed so hard I think a little pee may have come out! Great stuff.
You’re an idiot and you got what you deserved. Why people have to catch and kill everything they see is beyond me.
Can you do that again, but this time get it on video,
Because it tastes good, you dolt.
Steel Turmans last blog post..A Tale of Our Cute & Cuddly Woodland Creatures
Wow! Thanks for sharing.
Sorry you had such a hard time of it, but at least you have a story to tell.
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Glad you’re OK! I was shocked to read that anyone would try something like that though. Yep, deer are extremely aggressive when threatened, I guess you know that now though :/
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Well done! Thanks for the warning and quick lesson on agressive deer 😉
thanks for that hahaha. Now I kno why it’s better to shoot the damn deer! Niiice.
Hahaha! Personally I don’t think I would have gone through all that without gettin me some fresh venison.
My oldest daughter needs to read this. One one of our first hunts together I sprayed her boots with deer urine in an attempt to cover her scent. When she returned to our blind from moving our vehicle back away there was a deer that was about 30 years from her. It sniffed and made all kinds of “mad” sounding noises. When she returned to the blind she was mad at me for not letting her take the rifle with her to move the truck. She responed “Dad, if you would have let me take my gun, deer season would be over for me; as it is I’m so scared I think it’s over anyway!
i would have tied it to something other than myself…..i remember my dad had hit a deer in his car and figurede he might as well eat it so he threw it in the back. Well when he got home and opened the trunk the damn deer stood up.Well long story short my dad had to wrestle with it for a bit and managed to slit its throat.Deer are scary when they freak….its a good thing my dad is a beast.lol
I too, know first hand the devestation a deer can can inflict. In short, while hunting in a low to the ground tree stand, I decided I would jump on a doe’s back and tackle it. The outcome….the doe won.
Cute? Cuddly? Sweet and gentle? PFFFFTTT!! More like a four legged Chuck Norris!
That was a great story! The more I read the harder I laughed!
To Steve: Well we want to catch and eat things for this silly little reason called for 4.6 billion years the one constant prerogative of life is to eat other life.
Wow, after reading this, I’m quite glad I didn’t take those two extra steps to start petting the baby dear while the mama was a few feet behind them ._.
Nice read…wow. I’m glad you made it out alive…any permanent damage?
absolutely hilarious! …never knew they bit! thanks for the education, and well, sorry, gut wrenching laughs you created for myself and those reading over my shoulder, how painfully funny! lmao still!
Oh My God! That is too funny! Something to make me laugh on this dreary Sunday Morning. Hope you have learned your lesson and next time just shoot a big one!
Better hope PETA doesn’t get ahold of this story.
Wow no youtube video? Slightly disapointed. However thanks for the laughs and the education.
Dude being a bit of a animal rights kidda guy I do not condon why you where trying to trap the dear. But You are without doubt a fantastic story teller. Glad thou that you where in the process of letting it go. Sorry the dear bit you. But wonderfull story quite well told.
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Being well versed in the behavior of deer, I’m surprised you lived so long. Hint: It you ever hit a deer with your car, and it appears to be dead, lying in your front seat, RUN. Seriously, just RUN.
LOL no wonder West Virginia voted for Hillary Clinton!
WV voted for Hillary because she is the ideal candidate for the job. And if she were to make it to the general election, which I don’t think she will, it would have been great if she chose Bill as her running mate. That’s right, the Clinton’s back in the White House again.
Hillary is winning the popular vote, you know? It’s just a shame that she has to win by delegates. That’s the same way ol’ George made it into the White House during the general election.
Further proof that our method of voting here in the US is all screwed up. If someone wins by popular vote, they should become the President. End of story.
You need to go back to school, Bucky.
The founding fathers knew that if the popular vote was the sole determinant, then large population areas like New York and California would decide every election and folks in small states – like you – would never have a say in it.
That’s why they created the electoral college. Do a little studyin’ up.
Any grade school civics textbook will do.
Have you never heard of ‘the tyranny of the masses’?
Along comes some demogogue with a winning smile and plenty of snakeoil and enough rubes buy hiis crap and he gets elected – only to trun out like … say … Mussolini.
Or Huey P. Long.
The only insulation the nation has against such a possibility is the system we have.
Do you REALLY want a handful of states – populated by many many illegal and legal immigrants – deciding YOUR fate each election?
If the popular vote was the deciding factor, politicians would need only to campaign in NY, CA, TX, IL and Fl to win the prize.
As to the delegate situation within the Democratic party – that is of THEIR own making and George Bush had nothing to do with.
I figured you to be smarter than that considering your ability with words and imagery.
I am sorely dissappointed.
I’m glad to disappoint. It takes a lot of pressure of me, not having to live up to any future expectations.
I know why the created the electoral college, and I know how it works. That doesn’t mean I am supposed to agree with it.
I didn’t say George had anything to do with the delegate situation. The point I was trying to make was that he lost the popular vote . Only 4 presidents have became president this way. John Quincy Adams(1824), Rutherford B. Hayes(1876), Benjamin Harrison(1888), George W. Bush(2000). Pay close attention to the dates and the HUGE gap that they present.
I’m not saying anything….I’m just sayin’.
The French have a proverb, which translates “This is an EVIL animal, it defends itself.”
Damn it man, if you don’t ‘agree with it’ what would you offer as an alternative?
Do you seriously want a ‘popular’ vote?
Do you understand the implications of that?
Consider that there are perhaps 20-40 million illegal immigrants in this country.
Democrats are positively foaming at the mouth to enfranchise those votes.
Last national election, about 50 million people voted.
Would you have this nation’s future and security dependent on the whims and fancies of folks who are either totally unequipped intellectually to see beyond their next paycheck or stipend or who don’t even speak English?
Is that all your citizenship means to you?
When did you first realize that you had this compelling desire to be but another face in the mob?
What part of Santayana’s prophetic words do you not understand?
Hitler was elected by a popular majority, As was Stalin, Castro, Hussein, Tito, Pol Pot, Franco, Mussolini and Hugo Chavez.
There was an intellectual singularity that occured circa 1776.
The Founders knew beyond their own time that the separation of powers, individual freedoms and the insulation and protection of the ‘common good’ from fad and passing fancy were all necessary for democracy to exist.
No other word can describe their creations.
Now you think about this …
In order to change the current system – the electoral college – a Constitutional Convention would have be called.
That would be only the second such in history.
Under the law, any and all aspects of the Constitution could … and WOULD be rewritten.
Would you have Nancy Pelosi & Co authoring a new Constitution?
Steel Turmans last blog post..Uppity Women Unite!
This is obviously spiraling into a political debate discussion. Something that I have thus far avoided on this blog.
This post is about deer, and how not to catch them.
We all have our differences when it comes to politics, and there are a million other places on the web to discuss such things.
You need a good rifle.
That is too funny! Something to make me laugh
This is one of those “You have to be smarter than the ” moments, isn’t it? Well all I have to say is wow, who knew deers were that evil. I do believe that horses are probably stronger then deer, but it’s just that deer are not in captivity as much as deer and aren’t accustomed to humans.
Man, I love it. It’s great to hear stories of animals fighting back. It just fills me with some sense of justice in a world filled with such speciesism. What would be great is if deer and other slaughtered animals could summon the brainpower and ability to use a gun to take a few potshots back at you for once, I might start reading the newspaper again!
Steve. Get over yourself. This is not your planet. Just read the article and have a good laugh like everyone else.
You’re a moron.Did the supermarket ran out of food so you absolutely had no other choice but go after deer? People as stupid as you make me sick.
HAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHA!! Freaking brilliant writing too. Well done Farmer of Nowhere.
i have this dream of one day going to the forest with totally old school hunting accessories and catching an animal the proper way. not that rifles are bad or anything, i just like doing things the hard way. now i might have to rethink my plan. spears and arrows make a lot of sense now.
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screen shots or it didn’t happen.
Pfft, to previous poster. I want to try now. 😀 But I’m going to tie that damn deer to the fence, not myself. >:D
As a vegetarian I feel quite smug about that 😉 Bloody funny though.
Completely HILARIOUS! Does sound like some stunt I might pull giving similar circumstance 🙂
For those PETA grade animal lovers, get over it, we have the firepower and hunting will always be a way of life for many – possibly a majority. I do wish PETA would appear out in the middle of the woods whilst I am hunting but alas, its never going to be that good.
To Anon: QUOTE “Did the supermarket RAN out” – Get an education before attempting to post big daddy, you just made yourself look completely stupid.
To Wess: Please go scare the game while others try to hunt, you might save a deer or two!!
To Mark: Nice response, don’t let yourself slip into the extremist end of Animal Rights though, that is in my opinion a terrorist group considering the sort of things they do.. obviously we (hunters) don’t like them very much and would LOVE for them to come have a day out in the woods on a hunt.
Regarding the “Story”, I thought it was completely hilarious in itself, well told too! I have seen deer take up and fight, its insane at how powerful they really are, you are lucky all you wound up with was a cut and some bumps – well the bite too lol.. I saw a video of a grown man get mauled by a deer, another reason to be in a tree stand 🙂
regarding the Political junk – it goes to show you how screwed up people really are. I can’t wait for gasoline to reach 6-7 dollars a gallon, lets see how worried they are about their party and political rants then. Rather fight over politics its only logical and makes complete sense to unite as one but thats way to much to ask a Nation that claims to be a free one -at least for now anyway.
Deep South, Louisiana
Katrina was a joke compared to whats coming…
Hysterically funny story! Funniest blog post I’ve read in ages.
No deer roping for me.
The “Founding Fathers” knew about the great state of California, so went through great lengths to make sure that California didn’t matter in a Presidential Election? Are you high?
Democrats are frothing at the mouth to get illegal immigrants and non-citizens the right to vote? Are you just utterly insane now? Immigration is a complicated subject for the United States, and has been the Pilgrims illegally set up camp in 1620, and Jamestown in 1607.
All politicians (and most citizens?) want to have immigrants legally follow the path to citizenship, whether they be Democrat OR Republican. (Not too sure about the Libertarians though, but I’m guessing them too.) Unless you’re 100% Native American, your ancestors became Citizens here legally, and many of them illegally. They didn’t all come through New York’s Ellis Island, you know.
Either way, you may want to relearn your history before you start babbling political nonsense.
This blog is about how NOT to catch a deer, not how to expose your ignorance on political topics.
That’s a great story. I’m not sure if your appetite for corn fed venison has come back yet, but if it has, have you considered trying to shoot the deer with a tranquilizer gun? I’m not sure where you’d get such a device, but I bet it’s available on the internet somewhere. Or maybe you could just put horse tranquilizers or something in the cattle feed and wait?
Actually the only way hillary can be considered winning the popular vote is if you *do* not count all of the caucus states.
Thank you for that story! I have not laughed that hard in a longtime.
I actually laughed till I cried. Great story, very well written and stupid ass funny. Deers are tough mo’ fuckas. Total bad asses 😛
Hope your ok though.
Hey guys, I guess this blog is to share our opinion whether we liked the story or not.
I hate when people start arguing about which party is better, when everybody knows the deep s… we are thanks to some greedy people who we call our “Best Party”.
Funny how it always looks good on paper isnt it?
wow you cant rope a deer iv killed like 25-30 deer and they dont go down iv got a 50BMG that will kill it 1 shot but my 223. just cant do the good old 1 shot kill but tryin to rope a deer is a dumb ass thing to do did it 1 time had to kill it (with my handgun)but they ant as cute as a coon
Brilliantly written! I was laughing my ass off!
This article has many sexual innuendo’s that I found were inappropriate. If I may quote the writer:
ex. 1: “As it jerked me off”
ex. 2: “A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off”
This is not right. My 11 year old read this when he was in library while at his middle school; he was so upset I had to drive to the school to pick him up, and the librarian and I had a long conversation which ended up with this website being banned by the schools network.
Please consider cleaner humor, as this is not funny.
Also, if any parents out there are upset with this as I am please call your school and ask to see about getting this website banned.
Fantastic post, I was rolling with laughter.
Just one brief comment on the political debate, though I completely agree with bucky that there are plenty of other places to discuss this.
Steel, darling, no idea about other countries but in the US, illegal immigrants can’t vote, you dolt. It’s absolutely unbelievable that you have made the idea that illegal immigrants could potentially choose the country’s leaders with a popular vote the focus of your argument and you don’t know this simple fact.
Next you’ll be claiming that the earth is 4000 years old and dinosaur bones were made by Satan to trick people into believing the Bible is fiction….sigh.
michael fox, you must be kidding with this rant guy. first of all what is the 11 year old studying to be on some random website anyway? second if you read the whole sentence you would surly know that it has no sexual innuendo whatsoever. oh yea and by the way if you think for a minute that this is the worst thing the 11 year old has seen or read, you must be kidding yourself. get a life.
hmmmmmmmmmmmm, MR fox pissed me off so bad along with the political crap I forgot to tell you that the story was great.
to the author: this was a freakin hilarious story thanks for sharing it with us!!! the imagery is amazing and so full of awesome!
to the PETA-wannabes: please, please, please go out and try to stop a hunter or scare away some deer from the reaches of a hunter’s gun- it would make my life.
to michael fox: get your mind out of the gutter! the author said “as he jerked me off” to mean as the damn deer jerked him off his feet- as in pulled him so hard he fell! just because your sick friggin twisted mind cant think of any other definition for this sentence is not the authors fault! some people just happen to talk that way- yes i am midwestern and dern proud of it! its immature idiots like you who need to get a life and learn that not everything is meant in the way they automatically think it.
as for all the political crap: come on now, really? this shit doesn’t belong here. take it elsewhere.
i hated it so much!!!!!!! That is so mean!!!!!!!! That is not something you should be telling people about!!!! I think it was awefull and you should rethink it. I hope your happy.
@ Michael Fox
The only sexual innuendos here are the ones your (apparently sexually repressed) imagination provides . Either you are a troll, or have completely lost touch with reality, or both.
If you read RENSE you would know that chronic wasting disease is prevelent in West Virginia. Why, when you are raising cattle, be bothered to even want to eat venison? Why bother with the risk unless you just enjoy being humiliated and if you want to again, please have someone take video for our enjoyment and/or maybe $100k for funny video?
To Keven from Louisiana, right with you on all points. No one mentioned how deer among many other animals carry and spread lyme disease. Too many bambi-lovers who don’t have to deal with herds coming through their properties eating $200,000 worth of landscaping as if it were a buffett or many who die in car accidents due to overpopulation of deer with no natural predators? I could sit in my driveway with a scope, silencer in a lawnchair and pick off 300 in one night and there would be 300 more the next night to take their place. Wish they would allow hunting in neighborhoods by sharpshooters to help those of us dealing with the problem of overpopulation of deer.
HAHAHAHA. I would have tied it to the truck, and ran like a bat out of hell. Great article.
BTW, I wouldn’t vote for one of those 3 commies. Ron Paul all the way. If government tries to force me to do something, they will find that me, and that deer have a lot in common. 🙂
It always surprises me when people think they can anthropomorphise an animal. Why in heavens name did you think it would go so easily to it’s grave?
The only mistake you made was you selected the wrong animal. Deer are extremely aggressive. You should have selected a bull moose. Moose are gentle, caring, and sypathetic creatures.
All you have to do is find a bull moose in the wild. Especially one with a huge rack. The size of the rack tells you that the moose has a lot of experience with being roped and petted.
Approach the moose with your rope looped ready to toss. The moose will know what you’re going to do so he will just stand there while you place the rope around his neck. Remember, the moose has much more experience with this maneuver than you.
Once you have the rope firmly around his neck, lead him back to your truck and he will jump right into the bed of the truck knowing you are going to take him somewhere really nice.
If and when you wake up in the hospital, this will be one of the most memorable times of your life.
Best story I’ve read all year! Laughed til I cried!
Northern Norwegian Reindeer, you might haver stood a chance with, ( at least they have antlers you can grab…, uh, I men , they’re half tame, but I don’t now if they eat corn, more likely lichen and grass) but I would none the less have the end of the lasso line fastened to a truck or a big pole in the ground… But ordinary Deer, oh my dear… You haven’t tried Elk?
Apparently you missed this part… “There is no known treatment for CWD, and it is fatal for the infected deer or elk. It is important to note that currently there is no evidence to suggest CWD poses a risk for humans or domestic animals.”
Also note that the venison is frozen for a month, then cooked to the temperature that is recommended when cooking beef. If anything survives that and takes up residence in my stomach, colon, or brain, then you can say that I had it coming. Until then, I will continue to enjoy my venison.
Venison biscuits, venison stew, venison burgers, venison steak, chicken fried venison, grilled venison, venison on a stick…etc.
Say, Bucky: you do know that boiling a prion doesn’t stop it, right? That little origami protein is going to keep unfolding it’s target protein into little (but still exactly as much evil) versions of itself.
Sure, people like you and I kid ourselves about such things, but we have to remain vigilant. CWD may not be as bad as brown tick disease was, but we have to be there to make sure stuff like this does not become rampant.
Deer (as cute as they are) have a battery of senses that can find you behind a wall. The are the most spectacular thermal regulators I have ever hunted, and they signal each other like marines fighting in Okinawa. But they can’t stop something like mad cow disease any more than we could stop the Black Plague.
Hey, Bucky. Congratulations. You are a Darwin Award winner! Better luck next time including yourself OUT of the gene pool. Oh and BTW, you can freeze venison til hell freezes over and it will not kill the prions that cause spongiform encephalopathy. Can’t kill them with heat either. The very fact that you think you can, shows that you know nothing about what yer playing with. Eat all the venison you want. You won’t be missed. BTW, you should never eat anything smarter than you are. so that’s gonna be mighty fine snail venison.
That’s the funniest thing I’ve read in a hundred years! Two hundred! Well, maybe for several weeks.
Now, I’ve been treed by a mother moose, we all tried night time spotlighting deer and nearly killed a neighbor’s cattle herd (30+ rounds hit NOTHING), and have been easily outwitted by an Alaskan Brown Bear, but that’s the funniest “hunting” story I can recall having ever heard.
You’re wonderful; and, a brave man. Can’t help but doubt that, were this to occur to me, that I’d keep it a deep, dark secret.
Aw, man: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That’s just too funny.
You know, deer are known to have drowned cougars, dogs, and men, so well as kick them to death. I’d guess you’re a little lucky to be alive. But, you picked, IMOHO, the best tactic: scream like a woman and run like a gazelle. Makes good sense to me, it does.
So, uh, … how long until you try this again? Can I watch? I’d pay five dollars to watch that!
Sand Point Alaska
Came here on the Rense link. Really funny narrative — I will be teaching it in an intro to writing class. Very descriptive. Wish you had video frankly.
Damn that sucks, I wish the deer would have brought you near to death and permamently paralyzed you , so you’d realize and maybe promote being kind to animals that caused you no harm. God, I hope with all my guts, next time, though.
Bucky, I used to hunt years ago and quite frankly after all the lies with lyme from the CDC I don’t trust one word that is written from them and I don’t wish to take my chances. Just don’t trust them and personally not worth the risk. Have enough stress to deal with in my life and eliminating one more risk that I have control of is worth it You’re welcome to come to Chester County, PA and shoot all the damned deer you wish, bring your friends, family and anyone else and shoot till you’re heart is content and then some. Someone has to do something out here to take care of the problem we have. They’re no different than rats in this area, vermin.
My God man, do you thank your lucky stars you didn’t get a buck?? with horns??
@ Michael Fox
Like, I suspect, the vast majority of people who read this story, I noticed no conceivable sexual interpretation of the phrases used in it until you pointed them out. The fact that your 11 year old son imagined this “innuendo” first and then was apparently so upset by it says something rather disturbing to me about his state of mental development and the way that you are bringing him up. Frankly, I think that both you and your son (and possibly even the librarian mentioned in your comment who apparently indulged your lunacy) are in serious need of psychological help.
You know what, you’re right. Deer are so much more important than people are. We should leave them alone and let them eat every vegetable in our gardens. God knows they deserve it. Look at how cute they are! Especially the ones with the tiny white spots….aaawwwww.
You know what I think when I see one with white spots? I think damn, I bet that one is tender!
If you will kindly look, you will notice that no where did I say that freezing or high temperatures would kill spongiform encephalopathy. Perhaps you didn’t read that CWD is non-transmissible to humans.
“Snail-Venison” as you so creatively put it is quite tasty. Ever hear of escargot?
That’s okay, Bucky…once driving down the highway I didn’t see a deer that was about to crash into my pickup truck…so the truck hit the deer, with the result that the deer was able to jump the fence and stood on the other side of it looking at me as I tried to get a piece of windshield out of my eye and the truck all banged up on the left side, and undrivable. Yep, deer are built, all right!
You say: “Perhaps you didnâ€™t read that CWD is non-transmissible to humans.”
What you actually quoted previously was: “It is important to note that currently there is no evidence to suggest CWD poses a risk for humans or domestic animals.” I hope you will see that this does NOT support your statement that “CWD is non-transmissible to humans”. In fact, virtually this same formulation of words (“there is no evidence to suggest”) was used by the UK government to persuade us Brits to continue eating beef for many years after the discovery of the prion disease BSE in cattle. Given the long incubation period of these diseases in humans, of course, there wasn’t any such evidence at that point, but the results of ignoring the precautionary principle regarding human health in favour of the continuing profits of the livestock industry eventually became evident with numerous unnecessary early deaths from new variant CJD. I sincerely hope that in a few years time you do not become one of the examples that force a similar rethink about the danger to humans of CWD.
Also, as a matter of interest, I wonder how you regard the aliens in the Predator films who are, after all, merely doing to the “inferior” human species what some humans are doing to animals (apart from eating them, of course, which Hollywood would regard as being far too horrific).
thats the funniest shit i ever read!
JaysusjumpinupandownonabrokenfuckingcrutchChrist on a greasey floor.
Bucky ya opened up a can of worms.
All politics aside, does it not amaze the level of insanity this post has garnered?
You have PETA moonbats without a clue.
You have PETA moonbats with a clue and that clue points to us eating cold dirt and water gravy for the duration.
You have little tiny minds that couldn’t hold a thought any better than my Great Aunt Ethyl can hold her liquor or her bowels.
You got PHD motherf*ckers chiming in on crap the CDC should be tellin’ us and aren’t.
Next thing ya know, some asshole will file a class action lawsuit against you for your blatant speciocentricity.
I think the most wonderful thing about the ‘internet’ is that it is the fastest way possible to reveal the sheer depths of human stupidity, the scope of human cupidity and why, as a species, we are fu*king doomed.
Someone up the thread suggested elk.
Elk CAN be fed corn and raised fat.
And it is good.
Jackson Hole Wyoming or there abouts – you might just find your heart’s desire.
Steel Turmans last blog post..Had to vent …
Yes, it does amaze me that something as simple as a post about catching a deer could erupt into something such as this. That is why I can’t pull myself away and continue to read the comments.
True, but as of now, there is nothing that says it is transferable to humans. Your argument is moot.
I would much rather eat wild meat, or raise my own, than eat what is sold in stores that is full of various hormones and whatever else the animals are pumped up with. At least this way I am in control. I raise it myself, I butcher it myself, and I eat it myself. I can’t say that when I buy packaged meat in the grocery store. I also know that this argument could be turned against me in various ways if compared to buying other things. But if I can control at least this one thing, that is better than nothing.
As far as aliens in the Predator films, well, wait a minute. Until aliens actually invade earth and begin to take us out one by one, I really can’t comment on that.
Well holy rodeo scatman!!!
Maybe next time you will offer it a huge head of leafy green lettuce at the trogh.
Why do some people think any human is far better in the end than any bambis? Most people despise the mere presence of other people, then make dumb comments about the human is above all else. Maybe if all those deer overcrowding the penn state area were allowed to live, the southern cali area would fill up again,,, eventually.
For those hunters that blow off the possibility of CWD in the freezer, bon appetite.
Good for the deer – what a disgusting pig of a man. I find nothing humorous in killing
such a beautiful animal – that is unless one were starving to death and needed to
feed their family – which this goofball did not. I’m thrilled that the revolt of the
animals has started. Now if ONE were a politician or the president they would
not have to eat the disgusting meat ( I don’t eat meat) that is in the supermarkets,
raised on factory farms or imported from China. Nope thanks to us – they eat ALL
organic fruits and vegetables and $150.00 per pound Kobe beef from Japan raised
on special grasses – mountain spring water. Check out the factory farms where
hogs – chicken and beef are raised for the public. Frankly I see wasting disease being seen
in deer – moose – etc as a deliberate plan to curtail folks from living off the land
in times of a great food crisis. He who controls the food controls the people – and
as it looks of late – things could get pretty scarce should these Hedge Speculators – not
OPEC continue to to drive up the price of gas – home heating oil etc. Everybody will
be out hunting. Don’t believe me read the duplicitous Truth about The Commodity Futures
Modernization Act of 2000 – and how Clinton & Republicans repealed FDR’s Banking Act
of 1933 – thus the meltdown in real estate (Financial Modernization Act – 1999). My point
being – with rising prices on oil/gas – trucks can’t afford to deliver food – people riot,
meantime the boys in Washington will be gnawing on Kobe steak bones – not venison. Tip=
instead of trying to rope a deer – this jerk should be stocking up on some staples – sure as
hell he’s not a hunter. JM
I knew it was only a matter of time before the conspiracy theorists showed up. This is really starting to crack me up. 🙂
Hey Bucky…..That Judih babe sounds alot tougher than that deer you roped. Glad she doesn’t live in the woods…
OK, you must really love the conspiracy theorists – you just opened up the door for a whole new bunch!
I suppose I did!
Before finally passing by altogether and continuing my journey through the Internet I would like to point out that my reference to the Predator films (I guess I could also have used “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” as a fictional example of human on human predation) was merely intended to point out that what we mundanely and without any qualms do to animals is regarded as “horrific” when on very rare occasions it is done to us. In fact, it is even regarded as some kind of effrontery when we are attacked by an animal predator (e.g., a shark or bear attack), or an animal defends itself from our attacks on it.
Some people try to deserve the assumed human status of superiority to the rest of the animal kingdom by choosing not to act on the basis of their animal instincts (vegetarianism is such an intellectual choice). Those that choose otherwise must expect to live and die according to the rules of the natural world, without any assumption of superiority to it, and not whinge and whine when nature bites back.
P.s. My rather serious thoughts on these matters were inspired solely by comments to your original blog. I actually found the blog to be, as others have said, entertainingly written and quite funny in spite of my reservations about hunting and meat eating.
Enjoy your journey and feel free to stop by anytime, PasserBy.
Great story, your writing is fantastically entertaining. I’ve always said there’s a special place in this world for animals, and that’s on my plate snuggled next to the mashed potatoes… Meat rules! 🙂
Amazing that they (deer) have evolved with all of this ability to fight off being killed or attacked, etc. yet drive down a country two lane road at night and they will literally run right into the side or front of your car.
Kevin N: I’ll pass on the offer to scare animals away from being shot; that doesn’t sound very safe, I’ve met the stereotypical hunter and I won’t go back to walmart again. I’ll just sit back and enjoy the karma that comes back to people who go out and hunt and end up having accidents, or get eaten, etc. If you’re going to take an animal’s life, you take a risk; and if you find it fun and enjoyable to do so, it shouldn’t be such a big taboo to say, “he had it coming” when a hunter gets his. I’m, in essence, neutral. I don’t kill or eat animals, don’t screw around with wildlife like bears, and avoid swimming in the ocean to keep my peace with sharks.
For the record, “lilwoman” I despise PETA, it’s a rather hypocritical organization. Though I do like the greenpeace operation where they ram the chinese whaling boats; that’s a pretty interesting concept. But I suspect you would disagree because you enjoy whale blubber, or some other nihilistic habit.
Joanne Italiano: I understand the destruction of crops; it’s here we come to a utilitarian/defense concept; and with some deliberation it may make sense to use inhumane methods to kill deer. But you must also consider the fact that HUMANS are also becoming overpopulated and are eating away natural habitats; deer must cross roads to travel, not their fault, we built the roads. Urban sprawl and the unnecessary construction of thousands of housing developments eat away natural habitat as well; not their fault, we parasitically consume land. Without human intervention, deer wouldn’t even become overpopulated because the ecosystem would be balanced and natural predators would counter the deer population… Don’t blame animals for humans being inconsiderate of nature.
Hordac the Refuser: I’m not anthropomorphizing a deer. You and I have no idea what it is like to be a deer, and any idea we have will ultimately be what it would be like to be a human ACTING like a deer. I would simply find justice in animals fighting back, and winning some times. A human is an unnatural predator to a deer; biologically, we weren’t meant to consume flesh anyway. We’re unnatural omnivores. We have very few characteristics of a carnivore, (intestine length, we’re clawless, our saliva, perspiration processes, etc). We consume it because it’s become a cultural tradition, like eating junk food, making most Americans fat (but still complaining about being fat, curiously), and with plenty of disease issues (cardiac problems, diabetes, etc). Humans, like the American Dietetic Association states, are herbivores biologically, and throughout most of history we have been such.
Even though the deer clearly won, don’t put humans down as a lesser species. It’s soo cool that this guy bested the deer with stamina. It remind me of an article (http://discovermagazine.com/2006/may/tramps-like-us) that explains a theory centred around humans’ ability to outrun any animal long-distance. The bushmen of the Kalahari, for example, hunted by downing a load of water, then heading out to find an antelope. Then they’d just start chasing it…and eventually, the animal overheats (cos it has fur, and can’t sweat) and will just stop, glassy-eyed, or collapse.
All of that points to the majority of out diet being vegetarian, with meat as a rare luxury. Which, obviously it would’ve been, since hunting was so dangerous that even if you had an abundant supply of wild animals, you wouldn’t go out to get one every day.
@ Gah… yes, I am high. And I’m eating deer jerky since I have the munchies.
Loved the post, btw. Hilarious!
my thing, is taking screw-upâ€™s and figuring better ways of completion, this is what i came up with:
1. tie the rope to a trailer hitch’s, chain safety rings
2. once you roped the deer, run like hell to get into the drivers seat
3. get going to a speed were the deer is still able to keep up
4. as the deer tires, slow down to avoid injuring the deer
5. after it stops QUICKLY exit the vehicle and throw a blanket over the entire deer
6. push the deer over swiftly and tie the front and back legs separately
7. use a pre-estimated length double ‘Y’ end pole ( >——< ) to keep the legs apart thereby restricting mobility
8. tie rope on the ‘Y’ sections ends to keep the ropes from unhooking
9. it would also be a good idea to hold the head down, to apply a muzzle (like dogs) for transportation
10. upon arriving at the facility (likely barn) with stalls the deer should have revived from exhaustion
11. the best release technique would be to have drilled 2 vertically even 1/2″ holes thru into next stall, and use rope to form a loop around the deer (but not around the double â€˜Yâ€™ pole), and tie it tightly on the other side of the stall wall
12. QUICKLY remove the leg restraints and then the muzzle
13. secure stall door (entire stall should have floor to ceiling walls), go to next stall, untie rope, and slowly pull it out by the bottom end (top end should be pushed entirely through top hole first)
Here is an idea get a boat wench and attach it o your truck and attcach the rope then rope the deer , then sit back and let it tire itself out then you can work out a plan from there. I only thought of this while reading your post.
Great story, sounded intense. Get some body armour, have some fun with it.
You have a talent for understating the situation that just rivals about two thirds of the WWW’s ‘funny’ stuff writers… you are SO Talented… LMAO!!! I lost it when i got: “Did you know that deer bite?” OMG You’re funny!
Someone above posted “Amazing that they (deer) have evolved with all of this ability to fight off being killed or attacked, etc. yet drive down a country two lane road at night and they will literally run right into the side or front of your car.”
But until cars were invented they didn’t need to fight against a car. Like Stephen Fry says about sharks and the fact that in the ocean there are no “stout punching fish” or “rubber band bird” in the everglade’s keeping gator’s mouth’s shut.
This story was fantastic. Well told!
I know very much what it is like to be a deer. I dream about being a deer from their perspective at night, when I hunt by day.
That is to say, my mind puts me in their shoes when I sleep. It’s part of the learning experience that all mammals go through.
Modern man has been around for some 200,000 years, long enough to sign our palm-prints to cave-drawing of the hunt. Those where my ancestors, chasing down those Miocene mega-fauna buffets, and I can tell you as a bad-ass hereditary Commanche that you need to get in touch with your roots.
Man is not an “unnatural predator”. My house cat is an unnatural predator from Egypt – I am a natural indigenous predator, and part of my biosphere.
And the animals around me know and respect that.
Where do you get this “herbivore” crap?
Oh my! Great and funny! Thanks for making my day!
Krill Oils last blog post..Krill Oil Capsules
I was lucky to happen up on this most hilarious rendition while trying to find more info on raising a baby deer. The poor thing was being chased by coyotes and was losing the battle. My husband shot the coyotes and brought the little darling home. I guess all of those animal rights folks will have a heyday with that one! Go ahead, make my day! I must say, it was a rather goofy stunt to try to catch a grown deer. I am so glad that you did though, as you have made me laugh like crazy!!!! Rest assured that if we can keep our little one alive, he will wear an orange vest when he goes out to play and will be plenty familiar with a harness and a lead. Thanks so much for the great story. ps to Michael Fox I have to agree with the previous reference to your objection. Your son either knows too much or not enough. Great going big daddy. See where this kind of child-rearing will get you!!! PASSERBY has hit the nail on the head. And by the way, we eat venison as often as possible. Thanks Bucky for a couple of new entree suggestions!
hahah, great story. Sounds like a rough day, maybe even a little fun. Iv’e been attacked by a deer as well, and let me tell you, it was the best lesson learned of my life. Now when I go into the woods I bring nun chucks along with my samurai sword.
Way too funny. I am sitting here laughing if my assitant comes in she might treat me like the deer treated you.
Oh my gosh… I laughed so hard reading this I almost peed my pants. Same with my fiance.
I thought these things only happen on TV!!! 😀
Really well written!
What kind of Crack Pot idea is that!
However must admit if you were successful, would make for an great meal. Hunting during season (on private property) is much safer and fulfilling though.
What would you do differently if you had to do it again? Knowing what you now know that is. 🙂
Tims last blog post..COYOTE HUNTING
Okay, so perhaps you aren’t the world’s premier sportsman, livestock herder, naturalist, wild animal trainer or planner. And perhaps you aren’t all that bright, either, as you seem to suggest yourself (though I would never stoop to calling you an idiot as some have done; no, I’d stop at “bloody fool”, though I suppose by now most of the scars have healed and the blood is back inside your skin where it belongs). But thanks so much for a great story. I think this could only have been told by one who lived through it. Anyone watching would not have been able to record it as they’d have died laughing.
f-u bud. not everone’s a fckuin vegetarian. venison is the among the tastiest & healthiest red meat out there. it’s not like he’s killing for the sport and discarding the carcass. i’m a liberal but i’m a realist too. you’re sound like your a bit of a fool
I just want to make clear up the last comment I made – I think this was a great story. My comment was directed at one guy who said some stupid stuff.. actually there might be a few of them. they’re probably vegetarians. I can’t understand them!
Don’t fuck with deer!
I am a vegetarian I am sorry for your lack of understanding D:. I hope that someday you might get it. I understood at the age of 4, when I made the decision to not eat meat anymore.
Wanted to clarify my above comment. Even though I’m a vegetarian, I do not condemn people who do eat meat. I know 99.99% of the population that eats meat views the action as a survival instinct, not really picturing what they are eating as a real animal.
I’m getting tired of hearing about people who become vegetarian to be more healthy. Do it for the RIGHT reasons. Would you convert religions because it would give you some benefit? Become a Christian for presents at Christmas, a Jew for the excellent ability to keep track of money? Ok, just kidding with the last one there.
The story was hilariously funny, and I’m glad the deer got away, but I would have been fine if it hadn’t.
@ the Michael Fox guy
Wow… just… wow…
Regarding your last line there, I had to wonder what the Michael Fox thing was about, so I located his comment on the page. Having found that, and after reading his comments, I second your amazement … lol. Wow. That commentary was almost as funny as the story itself.
I read this thing twice and found NO sexual innuendo. Yes, the term “jerk off” is used … completely appropriately for a middle-schooler or or a middle-schooler’s grandmother, as far as I can tell. We tend to get jerked around too much by jerks such as this MF character (I suppose that was inappropriate) who probably also work to get Mark Twain banned in schools because of “inappropriate wording”. Some people need to grow up faster than their middle-school kids. I’ll bet that MF won’t even let his kids play ball because of the sexual innuendo.
This was, by far, the funniest thing I’ve read EVER.
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I don’t think the slaughter of an innocent animals is very funny and neither is recreational hunting. I have never had a deer bite me and I am around them all the time but I bet if someone try to tie a rope around you to have you killed and cup up for dinner you be kicking , running and biting s well.
Maybe the animal had mad deer disease/CWD/Creutzfeldt-Jakob
“Human incubation is 20 to 40 years, but no one survives more than two years after Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease (CJD) goes active. Unlike AIDS, CJD can kill almost all known species of vertebrates. Unlike bacteria or virus, Prions are not killed by several minutes of boiling, baking, chlorine, alcohol or by any known antibiotic or antiviral agent.”.
Its killed people already and now its found in W. VA. Too close for comfort huh?
Get over it. It is damn funny
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Hahahaha Caroline. Your post was almost as funny, not quite however.
This is hysterical! I would like permission to re-print this on my humor blog with a link back to your site. Thank you for your consideration of this request.
That story was absolutely hilarious and extremely well written. I hope you are still reading comments off of this. Some of the idiots it pulled out of the wood work were even funnier. Hope you’re still hunting and gave up roping. lol I personally love venison!
I arrived here seeing as this particular web-site had been tweeted by a woman I had been following and am delighted I made it here.