Random Unrelated Image: You Didn’t Burn The Beer
Christopher was a native of West Virginia and moved to our town midway through 5th grade. Instantly he was hated and despised amongst the students. He was rude, very muscular, and appeared to use skin care products which I thought was odd for a young boy. He would push kids in line, talk back to teachers yet he would score high marks on tests, and beat us all in races during recess. He even managed in getting Nicole Drape to be his girlfriend. Not that Nicole was a trophy girl to us kids back then but Christopher’s remarkable ability to adapt in this new pond was remarkable. I think what made us all hate him the most was the fact he was a bully but he was also successful in sports, math and with the girls.
One day during third period I had science class with Mr. Lomas. I am not sure what day of the week, what time of the year or what exactly we were studying but I remember clearly having that class with Christopher. Mr. Lomas was a large man about 6’5 and I would estimate around 300 pounds. He reminded me a lot of Fred Flintstone, his hair and his facial features were almost identical to the cartoon. Yet, His personality was far from similar but if I were to keep comparisons within the town of Bedrock, Mr. Lomas would be more of a Barney Rubble. I sat first row second seat back where as the notorious Christopher Wansley preferred not sitting in a desk but in a chair he would rock back and forth on two legs in the back of class. Days and moments prior to the class, hall room exchanges between Christopher Wansely and me had been heating up. He on whatever maniacal whim he was acting on chose me as this week’s target. The names called ranged from the traditional stupid and dickhead to more creative types where Christopher would combine two or three traditional put downs into one-super word and create some type of hybrid insult such as dickass or stupid-fuck-assface. These names enraged me, and brought me to the edge of tears each day. I was sick of the way he had been treating me, I was angered by the fact my peers would find great humor in his knowledge of the English language. I needed to strike back quickly. Liberation via retribution, and at 3rd period science class is where I exacted my revenge.
Other than hitting Craig Lutz in the face purposely with a street hockey stick, calling Kerri Coleman a bitch because she would complain about homework all the time, and throwing a cheeseburger across the lunchroom I was generally a good kid. Talkative but not a troublemaker, opinionated but I knew my limits with my peers and teachers. I never sought out revenge. I was always taught to not stoop to the bullies level. But this time was different. For the entire period I planned and plotted the perfect comeback to spray at Christopher Wansley. I thought of just straight punching him in the gut, but I knew his sheer animal force would overpower me. Surrounded by the girls of the class I had but one perfect offense, attack his masculinity. Going over and over my plan of attack in my head I plotted with succinct detail my every word. I waited like a patient cobra for him to open his mouth to me, and then and only then would I attack with unabashed fury. Now, at this point I don’t recall what really took place. I knew a quick and general insult was spewed from Christopher’s mouth and I reacted instantly, not even knowing if the words were directed at me. My timing had been thrown yet I found myself standing on both feet finger extended addressing Christopher in the corner of the room. Intuition took over and disconnected words came flowing from out of my mouth. In a loud cracking emotional pitch I screamed with watery eyes at Christopher the following sentiments:”Unlike you Christopher Wansely, my lover is a man!” The class sat quiet, and I instantly realized that I had not insulted his manhood. In a strange world of immature views towards masculinity I had not only misfired on my enemy but had also in the same broad stroke emasculated myself in the process. After standing in silence for about 15 seconds my knees collapsed and I sat defeated, head down on my desk.