The Twelve Inch Special

Twelve Inch SpecialMy wife and I don’t go out to eat all that often. The majority of our dinners are spent sitting on the couch, trying to keep our daughter occupied and watching whatever we recorded on our DVR the night before. We had some family was in town just a few weeks ago. They didn’t enjoy our dinner ritual as much as we do, so we spent a lot of nights eating out. One night in particular, we all went out to the Outback Steakhouse.

Once we were all seated at the table, the waiter came by and took our drink order. I never did catch his name, so for the purposes of this tale, we’ll call him “John”. John started at the other end of the table, and as he spoke, I definitely got the vibe that John may… well… enjoy the company of other men. I wasn’t getting a “Liberace in a sequined jumpsuit” strength vibe… more like a “have you ever noticed that cousin Tom never brings a girl to Thanksgiving dinner” type of feeling. Why do I mention the possible sexuality of our server? It will all become clear pretty soon…

After we all order our drinks, John heads off to get them and put in our spinach and artichoke dip order. I start to look over the menu, and I decide to get a steak. The one I want in particular is called the “Outback Special”, and since I was hungry, I figured I’d get the 12 ounce. I closed my menu and started up a conversation with my father.

John came back and started to take our order. When it was my turn to order, I loudly proclaimed “Yes, I’d like your 12 inch special.” Oh yeah… Freud would have been proud.

I tried my best to play it off by saying “That was silly… I mean the 12 OUNCE special…”, but there’s really no recovering from something like that. I made eye contact with my wife, who, God bless her, was doing her best to maintain her composure. I refused to turn around and make eye contact with John… I just quietly closed my menu and passed it over my shoulder to him. Luckily the rest of my family was either too preoccupied or too innocent to realize what I had just said…

6 thoughts on “The Twelve Inch Special”

  1. John could have all of sudden got the same vibe you’ve had of him earlier when you ordered the 12 “inch” special. 😆 way to go…. im sure you enjoyed your steak

  2. We had a resturant called the Circle J near in Fairlea, WV. There big item was the Circle J Burger, which we always jokingly called the Circle Jerk Burger. One day I took a friend there. He’d never been there before. I and the girl I was ordered Circle J burgers as my friend came back from the bathroom and sat down. Never being in the resturant before he had never heard them called by anthing else but a Circle Jerk burger. I was talking to someone at another table and the waitress looked at my friend and asked what he would like…I din’t realize he didn’t know what they were (he hadn’t had time to look at the menu yet). Not knowing quite what to do he looked right at the cute little waitress and said…uhh…a circle jerk burger….the look on here face..and his was priceless hehe

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