Best. Analogies. Ever.

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience,like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie,surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and “Jeopardy” comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like “Second Tall Man.”

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other leaving from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free

The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.

8 thoughts on “Best. Analogies. Ever.”

  1. The sky is so beautiful here right now! It looks like a photo-realistic painting!


    These are really funny, Bucky… though some more so than others. 🙂 Where’d you find all these?

    BCSs last blog post..Mangan Ta Na!

  2. No – I really was laughing about it because the Evil Twin was *trying* to clean it up and he was gagging and carrying on so bad… I just said, “Let me handle it.” Things like that don’t faze me. Loose teeth? I’m in the other room when those get pulled. Eeeekkk!

    Evil Twin’s Wifes last blog post..Busy Weekend

  3. Hehe…those are funny. Here’s a couple more;

    He felt like he was being hunted down like a dog, in a place that
    hunts dogs, I suppose.

    Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can
    tell butter from ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter’.

    The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating
    electric fan set on medium.

    Efens last blog post.."Lyin Fuckin Prick…"

  4. Just love this stuff, really brightened up a dreary day. Thanks.
    I tried to think of one to share with you, but brain not working too well today.

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