A friend emailed this story to me, and I laughed so hard that I had to share it.
My new dog has had some health problems lately, so he needed to take another trip to the vet today. When I talked to her on the phone yesterday, she told me to try to bring “the freshest fecal sample I can find”, and I assume that she meant from dog.
The problem is, I have two dogs with full reign of the backyard. So instead of going out back and singing “one of these things is not like the other” as I stare at the ground and try to figure out who’s is who’s, I take the dog out front on a leash. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to take just one of your two dogs outside on a leash, but it was not an easy task. Not only that, but it takes the little guy 10 minutes before he can… well… muster up a sample. I tried handing him one of my woodworking magazines to pass the time, but I guess his bathroom habits are different than mine.
Ok, so I had my sample, which I put into a plastic grocery bag. I have a pickup truck, and it’s a hot day, so I decide to put the sample into the bed of the truck. I attached a cord through the handles of the bag and tied it to a tiedown inside the bed of the truck so the “cargo” would be secured, and we headed on down the road.
Halfway down the road, something catches my eye in the rearview mirror. The grocery bag is waving freely in the wind. I find a spot to pull over to the side of the road, and low and behold, the dog’s gift to the vet is missing. I walk a little ways behind my truck to see if I can find it. After a couple of minutes of wandering down the roadside, looking for the sandwich baggie, my radar detector begins to beep incessantly as a patrol car pulls up.
I know a lot of the officers in this jurisdiction, but I didn’t recognize this particular officer. He asks me if my truck broke down, and I assured him that wasn’t the case. I told him that something had flown out of the bed of the truck, and I was looking for it. Now, I don’t know if there is a proper way to try to explain to an officer of the law that you’re walking down the side of the road in search of a plastic bag full of dog crap that flew out of the bed of your truck, but I certainly had trouble finding the right words….
Luckily, I was able to find a plastic bag full of dog crap laying on the side of the road. Now, I’m assuming that it belongs to my dog, because what are the chances that other people are flinging bags of poo from their vehicle as they are driving down the road? I excuse myself, and hop back inside the truck.
Now… I don’t know if you’ve ever traveled in the cab of a pickup truck with a warm bag of crap on a hot summer’s day, but let’s just say that the smell was…. interesting. Even with all the windows down, it was hard to escape. And all the way to the vet, I could swear that the dog smiling at me…